


Letting Go

by moeblobmegane



Series: ∞ Days with NagiRin [3]
Category: Free!
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Matsuoka Family, Swearing, bisexual!Rin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-03-26
Packaged: 2018-01-11 04:11:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moeblobmegane/pseuds/moeblobmegane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gou just wants Rin to be happy. Rin just wants everyone to leave him alone. Nagisa... well, Nagisa just wants to help them out, really.</p><p>(Pretend Boyfriends!AU; 7 Days with NagiRin day 3 & 4)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> contains: swearing, 100% gay Nagisa, bisexual Rin who may or may not have siscon, and _heartbreak and pain_.  
>  Told from Rin's POV, if it's not obvious enough.

"For the last time, Gou, I won’t go out on that blind date, okay?!" Rin glared straight at his sister who was sitting on his bed with a deep frown on her face. He paced around, trying to shake off the excess anger that had accumulated since yesterday (when she tried to  _pimp him out_  to a freaking stranger at a bar). “Just stop it already!” He knew he sounded really angry-  _and well, he is_ \- but it was her fault anyway.

Why did she have to be so nosy and concerned about his lack of love life anyway? He’s been living 21 years of his life without any romantic relationships (formal ones that lasted, anyway). He is doing fine. More than fine, really, since he’s not distracted by stupid things like love.

He doesn’t need a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. (It became painfully clear that Gou knew about his bisexuality when she started setting him up with the boys from her calligraphy club).

She sighed tiredly, obviously annoyed as well. It was a family trait; that stubbornness and that inability to give up once they’ve set their minds on something.

It’s just that Gou had latched on to the idea that Rin needed a lover and Rin had latched on to the idea that he doesn’t need anyone. They’re obviously at opposing sides here.

But it’s  _his_  life.  _He_  should have a choice. He should make the final decisions.

  
"If you could actually just go on one date, you’d understand my point. Just try?" Her eyes did that large, shiny thing she always pulls off when she can’t get what she wants from him. It’s honestly unfair that little sisters have that skill. Big brothers have it tough. " _Onii-chan,_ " Uh-oh, there’s that tone of utter whining. " _I just want you to be happy_.”

  
He narrowed his eyes at her and was about to reply when a knock echoed around the room. He raised an eyebrow in confusion. This is his room, and he didn’t have friends who would come over randomly. Besides, their mom was on a business trip, so it was only the two of them in the house.

  
"Nagisa Hazuki, sir. Permission to enter?"

Rin could almost hear the smile that was on his face as he said that, his voice doing that cute little rise whenever he was joking. “Come in.” Rin said immediately, knowing full well that the boy was just here to pick up Gou for something. At least this would take her away from him and stop her from interrogating him.

The door opened slowly, Nagisa’s head poking from the crack. As expected, a wide grin was on his face as he looked around the room. “Did I interrupt something?” He asked, not looking guilty at all.

Gou rolled her eyes and patted on Rin’s bed, beckoning her best friend to sit with her. “Come here and help me.”

"Um," He frowned a bit, expression showing confusion. He then glanced at Rin as if asking for permission.

Rin stared at him pointedly and nodded. “I  _said_  you could come in.” He sounded grouchy and annoyed, but he really couldn’t help it. He wasn’t angry at the younger boy, per se. He was angry at the idea of his own sister calling out reinforcement to make his life miserable.

Nagisa tilted his head to the right, as if mulling over his choices, before he walked in and closed the door behind him. He sat on Rin’s bed as if it was normal for him to be here in this room. _Ugh, this kid_.

"As I was saying, I want you to be happy." Gou continued from her earlier speech. "I know you’re saying you’re focused on your studies and that’s why you don’t want to date but-"

"I’m not  _just_  saying it.” Rin interrupted, annoyance rising up again. Why can’t she just let him be? “I’m really focused on my studies… And you two should also focus on your studies.” He added the last bit in a desperate attempt to try to get away from the cursed topic. “You have your finals on physics-” He looked up as he recalled why he even knew this. It’s not like he checked her schedule particularly (that would be a creepy-brother thing to do and he was most _definitely not_ a creepy brother). “…when was it again?” He muttered.

  
At the corner of his eyes, he noticed Nagisa trying to contain his laughter. _That little shit_. “It’s in two days. You promised me you’d help us?” The way his pitch curled by the end seemed to imply that Rin should really just say yes. (It annoyed him that he actually knew what Nagisa’s tone meant.)

"Huh." Rin tried to think of any instance when he actually promised anything… _Nope_. Blank. It’s probably a lie. Which… is actually a nice segue to a study session that would most likely distract Gou away from her current obsession with Rin’s affairs. "I did, didn’t I?" His eyes had that glint that appears when he’s feeling especially triumphant.

Nagisa grinned and nodded as if he was extremely glad that Rin caught on to his idea. “We should start then!” He exclaimed, already kneeling on the floor and taking out his books to place on the low table.

Gou had that pout on her lips that meant she knew that they conspired against her but she had no choice except to go along with them.

He really shouldn’t grin so much, but Rin couldn’t stop the ends of his lips from twitching up. She called out reinforcements but was back-stabbed instead. He would feel pity for her, but he really was in no mood for the good-big-brother routine. (Also, karma is a bitch.)

"I’ll…" Gou looked at Nagisa as if calculating what to do with him, as if she’ll kick him out for being unhelpful. Instead, she stood up and headed for the door. "I’ll just get us some drinks."

Rin nodded vaguely while Nagisa exclaimed that he wanted orange juice with lots and lots of ice. And if maybe Gou could get some snacks too because he’s starving. The kid acts like this is house, _as always_.

—-

Nagisa Hazuki is a boy who somehow wormed his way into the Matsuoka household.

It started back in Rin’s first year of high school, on one of his rare visits to their house. ( _Rare_  because he studied in a boarding school quite far from here.) He had arrived at their house, tired and sleepy from his morning jog, and was about to check on his sister when he saw the younger boy walking out of the room in his pajamas.  _In his fucking dark blue penguin-print pajamas_.

  
So what else could he have done? He  _raised hell_ , that’s what. He cornered the poor little thing and demanded to know what the hell is happening and  _why the hell are you in your pajamas and in my sister’s room and who the fuck are you even and-_  well, suffice to say, Nagisa found it very, _very_ funny.

  
 _Like the weird guy that he was_. Instead of getting scared or apologizing or even explaining himself, he just- He just burst out laughing. He was trapped between the wall and Rin, with Rin’s hand on either side of him, and yet what he did was laugh.

Gou had immediately came out and dragged Rin to the room to show that there was a futon on the floor that was most likely where Nagisa slept. She explained very quickly that Nagisa was her classmate and she was the manager of their swim club where he belonged. She also added that Nagisa was her best friend. And that Nagisa was 100% gay. Not interested in Gou at all.

Rin had backed off and just eyed Nagisa suspiciously for the weeks that followed. He went home every weekend, so he almost always saw the kid. He was in their house more than Rin, actually, as his mother explained to him while pouring more rice on Nagisa’s plate as if Nagisa was her child and Rin was the guest.

It was confusing and he did not trust the boy  _at all_.

 

And then one day, Rin walked in on Gou’s bedroom to find Nagisa on the bed. Kissing  _a guy_.  _On Gou’s bed_. Full-on make-out session.  _On his sister’s bed_. IN THEIR HOUSE.  _WHICH IS NOT NAGISA’S HOUSE_. Okay, so that was traumatic for him. Rin’s a bit touchy about the whole subject and it kind-of reinforced his whole idea that love sucks and kills your brain cells. (Which would explain Nagisa’s grades and his constant need to be tutored by both Gou and Rin).

It did prove that Nagisa was gay though, and that he really wasn’t interested in Gou at all. Especially in marrying into their family. (This was Rin’s theory before the whole Traumatic-Incident-On-His-Sister’s-Bed thing happened, given how close Nagisa was to their mother and how much he tried to befriend Rin despite how unsociable Rin generally was).

—-

While Rin was lost in thought, Nagisa had cleared the table and arranged the books in the way he preferred and he had positioned himself comfortably on the floor. It still irked Rin to see how comfortable Nagisa was in his room. It’s just- It’s  _his_  room and he won’t give it to Nagisa even if his whole family loves the boy. (Okay, so he may have hidden issues about belonging into this household and fear of being replaced but it’s completely under control and he won’t act on it anyway so no one needs to know).

  
"Are you okay?" Nagisa glanced at him with a small smile on his lips. His eyes seemed to have a hint of worry, but Rin chose to ignore it. "Is Gou-chan giving you a hard time?" That amused twinkle in his eyes showed that he knew about everything there is to know about the situation. Rin didn’t have to explain anything.

Rin plopped down across him and stretched his legs under the table, just beside Nagisa. His right hand settled on massaging his forehead to somehow make the incoming migraine go away. “She’s a menace.”

Nagisa giggled and just smiled at him, putting a light hand above Rin’s calf. For a second, he glanced at it as if deciding whether to let his hand stay there or not. “You’re just too soft that you won’t properly decline her.” He mused, obvious teasing hidden under his tone. "She knows you'll give in soon enough."

Before Rin could defiantly deny any accounts of him being soft to anyone (he isn’t  _soft_ ; he’s a hardened soul with no mercy), an audible gasp escaped his lips as he felt Nagisa’s thumb digging into his muscle with rhythmic circular motions. “What. The. Fuck.” He managed to say when his mind finally settled down on the idea that  _yes, Nagisa is massaging his leg because it’s sore and because Nagisa is actually a nice kid everyone loves_.

  
Of course,  _of course_ , Nagisa giggled some more at his reaction. Because he finds everything delightful and funny and he’s a literal ball of sunshine. That’s why his hair is the color of golden sunlight,  _obviously_.

  
"I thought it would help." He shrugged and took off his hand.

Which,  _fuck_ , Rin wanted to ask him to please do it again because it was starting to feel really nice and he hasn’t had a break since—  _a long time_ , but then the door opened and Gou came in with a tray of snacks and juice so Rin had to gather his legs back up to his side.

Except Nagisa had other plans and he placed a hand on the same spot again and pulled Rin’s leg on top of his lap. It’s a perfect position for his tired feet, and Nagisa even started pushing on Rin's soles with his thumb. _Another massage._ He offered a small smile, as if asking if it was okay to do that.

Rin tried not to react too much, so he ended up just nodding briefly. He caught Gou staring at him just a bit suspiciously, before she opened her book. “So…” She smiled and looked at Nagisa, and the look they shared seemed much more than Rin understood. “Let’s start?”

Nagisa nodded enthusiastically, one hand on the book and the other on Rin’s foot.

—-

"So… I think you’ll like who I’ll set you up with next." Gou started as soon as she went inside his room without even knocking. "Remember…" She looked up to see him glaring at her. " _What?_ ”

Rin just continued glaring at her quietly, hoping that she would somehow telepathically understand that some people just hate relationships with a burning passion. So what if he's alone during Friday nights? So what if he doesn't entertain anyone who flirts with him? He'll live the way he wants to, thank you very much. “What would it take for you to just stop this?” He snarled, because that is totally a thing that he should do more to scare people. It's a winning strategy when coupled with his sharp teeth.

Gou wasn't fazed though. She grew up with him (except for those 4 years), after all. She was used to the empty threats. "Well, if you found yourself a partner, then maybe…" She smiled and let that simmer in the air as she placed a piece of paper on his desk. " _Until then_ , at least try to date someone."

 

The door was already closed when Rin muttered “ _partner, huh…_ " to himself. He liked the term. It was such a… general term. You could have a lab partner. Or a romantic partner. Or a  _partner-in-crime_.

And then, because fate blessed him with the  _best_ luck in the world, a person knocked on his door and disturbed his thoughts. “Rin-chan?” Nagisa’s voice was tentative and unsure. “Can I come in?”

"Yeah, sure." Rin found himself answering truthfully, probably because his mind was too busy coming up with a plan.

Nagisa, like an angel of death sent to sabotage his plan, walked in on the room with a curious expression. He stayed half-outside, with the door still slightly ajar, as he stared at Rin who was sitting comfortably on his bed. He was either sent by Gou to tell him something or was sent to  _spy_ on him to stop all his evil plans against her.

Then again, Rin was sure this was some sort of sign. Maybe he should make use of Nagisa’s beautiful eyes against Gou. The kid  _did_ help him out earlier. ”Hey,” He called out before pointing to the chair in front of the bed to make him sit. “Can I ask you a favor?”

"Hm?" There was confusion on his face first, but it was immediately replaced by his signature smile. "Sure!" He went over to sit as instructed.

Rin tried not to fiddle with his hands in nervousness. He rubbed the back of his neck and asked, “Can you talk to Gou? Make her stop this…” He gestured vaguely to the pile of papers containing the different numbers of the people Gou wanted to introduce to him.

Showing an apologetic expression, Nagisa shook his head. “I tried already,” He explained. Rin wasn’t sure what to feel about that. “She insisted that you were holding yourself back. Auntie said the same thing.”

He didn’t know what to feel about that one either. When the hell did Nagisa even talk to his  _mom_  about this? “Where do they even get that idea?” He muttered to himself fiercely. He had perfect grades and a perfect record at school. He won tournaments left and right. He was a model son and a proper brother. Yeah, he was not exactly sociable, but he had friends from school. He wasn't _holding himself back_

Nagisa stared at him, those wide eyes almost unblinking as he watched Rin glare up the ceiling in anger. “Isn’t it because of Haruka-senpai?” He asked bluntly, tone showing curiosity but also a certain tone of wisdom.

He scoffed, raising an eyebrow. “That was ages ago.” Approximately three years ago. _(Exactly two years, six months and five days ago. He'd probably know the exact hour if he knew what time it is.)_

"You always go to your father’s grave every 20th of each month." Nagisa noted randomly.

Or maybe not so randomly. The 20th was the day Haruka “broke up” with Rin. (They weren’t  _going out_. They were friends. Just… _friends_.) But it’s not like he goes to the grave because of that! What’s wrong with visiting your old man once in a while? “So what?” He asked, a bit too defensively.

Nagisa clearly ignored his reaction, shrugging. “You should just get a girlfriend. Gou-chan will stop pestering you. And maybe you’ll end up falling in love.”

Rin closed his eyes, plopping down on the bed with his arms spread on either side. “I don’t want to be in a relationship.” He whined, knowing full well that he sounded like a child just then.

 

"Then just find someone who would fake it with you." Nagisa suggested helpfully.

That… is a really good idea. Rin had thought of that earlier as well, when he heard the term “partners”. It _is_ a good idea…

 _If_ he had friends who could do that for him. But the only person he could think of that would agree is Makoto. But he was too close with Haru, and Rin isn’t fucked up enough to go through that. (Also, Gou had this crush on Makoto before so it’s unfair to her too). “I can’t think of anyone to ask.”

"How about Nitori-kun?" Nagisa smiled, obviously amused by the idea.

Rin groaned, placing a hand on his face as if that would help erase the memory of ever hearing that. “I hate you.” He scowled. “That’s too…”

"Harsh?" Nagisa supplied, a soft laugh escaping his lips. He turned towards the desk and leaned his cheek on his hand. "You wouldn’t use him, huh… How noble of you, _Matsuoka-senpai._ " The little shit was enjoying this, Rin heard it loud and clear in his tone of voice.

"How about you, then?" Rin blurted out, because if he’ll do something drastic like this, he might as well drag Nagisa down with him. "Everyone will approve of you."  _And you’re manipulative and great at lying and mom wants you as her fucking son-in-law._

Nagisa turned to him so fast Rin got a bit dizzy. “Oh!” He grinned widely. “That’s a great idea!”

Rin narrowed his eyes, mostly because he wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction. “ _Except_ you have a boyfriend who would kill me and scatter my ashes-“

 

"I don’t." It’s always been hard to read Nagisa. But especially during these moments, during times when he’s sharing a piece of his life, his smile would be wide and normal and no one can really figure out why. " _I don’t have a boyfriend_." He repeated with the same expression.

Surprise was clearly etched on Rin’s face. “What… happened?” He didn’t usually care about other people’s relationships, but he saw them making out and that was burned into his mind. And Nagisa continuously talked about how  _funny and amusing Rei-chan is_  or how much of a  _dork_  he is.

Rin has a personal investment on their relationship, mostly because he knew too much about them. And it was a reassurance to him that Nagisa was in a relationship that prevented him from falling in love with Gou. (He firmly believes that anyone close enough to Gou would eventually fall for her  _because who wouldn’t? She’s perfect._ )

"Oh." Nagisa blinked, looking like he didn’t expect Rin to ask. "We broke up…" There was a pause. Like he was thinking deeply about something. "-about a year ago. Long distance relationships suck." He shrugged as if it was nothing.

 

But Rin knew that pause. He knew that  _look_ you get when you’re lost in nostalgia. He knew exactly what it meant. He knew it was about counting the days. It was knowing exactly how long you’ve been away from the person you love. It was counting the hours your heart has been broken.

_Birds of the same feather flock together._

"A year ago?" Rin asked, just because he couldn't think of anything else to say. He didn't realize it. He never noticed the absence of the ‘Rei-chan chronicles’ or the increasing times Nagisa was over at their place. It was understandable though, given the fact that Rin was only half-living here. And the two of them weren't particularly close. But still… It felt  _wrong_  to not know it. He  _should_  have noticed.

 

Nagisa nodded, then after a moment of silence, he added, “Don’t think too much about it” Because that was his personal philosophy and he probably thought Rin needed to be less broody than he already was.

"Yeah, _sure_." Rin muttered, almost sarcastically. He didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to imagine Nagisa being heartbroken or sad, but now that he knew about it, it was impossible not to be worried. Because, yes, he’s not close friends with Nagisa, but the boy has been an honorary Matsuoka for a while. He’s  _family._

Nagisa rolled his eyes and sat up straight. “I’m fine and we’re not talking about me right now.” He went to sit on the floor, looking up to Rin’s face seriously. “We’re talking about Gou-chan and your _inability to make her stop worrying_.” He purposefully made it sound like everything was Rin’s fault. An obvious strategy to make him focus on the given problem.

"You’re such a brat." Rin said without any real heat. He just figured it was the perfect response to keep the ball rolling. "What do you suggest we do?" He asked, mostly because Nagisa was the Planning-Master and he was the one who suggested the plan anyway.

 

"Well…" Nagisa took a pen and paper from the table, quickly scribbling some words while muttering inaudibly to himself. Then, once he was done a couple of seconds later, he said "Write here what you want to do on a date."

"Huh?" Rin didn’t even think they would need to go on a date. It sounded too troublesome.

Nagisa pouted. “If we’re gonna do this, we should do it thoroughly, right? Aaand~” He raised an index finger. “Gou-chan misses her  _romantic_ big brother. We need to awaken the slumbering Rinrin inside of you.” He explained this with a serious expression, as if it was the most important thing of all.

Rin narrowed his eyes. “Rinrin…?” He knew that nickname. His classmates… “ _Oh._ ”

Puffing his cheeks, Nagisa stared at him in disbelief. “Don’t tell me you just remembered…” He sighed. “You’re a bad person, Rinrin.”

"Don’t use that nickname!" He exclaimed, blushing just a bit. "I was  _gone_ for four years. Don’t expect me to just remember-“

"You’re  _the worst._ " Nagisa said, false serious tone on, before laughing at Rin’s horrified expression. "It’s fine, it’s fine… We weren’t that close anyway."

"You gave me a nickname that haunted me for  _years._ " Rin said, voice low and threatening but with enough huff to sound like a joke. "How did I not remember you?"

Blinking, Nagisa looked up thoughtfully. Then, after a full minute of thinking, he turned his gaze back to Rin with a large smile. “It’s because you categorized me as a threat immediately! Like a blinded shark!” He giggled at his own comment, always finding ways to insert Rin’s shark teeth in conversations.

It did make sense though. Rin did see him as a threat from day one, and no one ever mentioned Nagisa being in his swim club before. He really should have noticed though. He really should have noticed a lot of things. (But then, he was too focused on wooing Haru that his focus on anything else was greatly lowered. He wondered briefly what that said about him, but abandoned that train of thought immediately in lieu of more important matters.)

"Anyway!" Nagisa took his attention again, prodding him with the pen. "Come on, write it down so we could go on a date soon! Like tomorrow!"

Rin rolled his eyes and wrote down ‘Study Date’ on top before raising it in front of Nagisa’s face. “You’ll study Physics with me tomorrow.”

The younger boy’s face scrunched up in disgust. “You’re no fun. _Let’s break up_.”

"Then, _after_ you pass your exam with flying colors, we could go to the amusement park." He said, writing it down and ignoring any of Nagisa’s stupid reactions. "Then watch a movie and have a romantic dinner. Go to the beach." He continued listing down things he’s always wanted to do with Har- with  _someone special._  “Happy now?” He looked up to see Nagisa smiling widely at him.

"Very!" He nodded and took the list. He leaned forward to place a light kiss on Rin’s cheek. "Thanks, Rinrin." He looked like a mischievous kid who just succeeded in doing something evil as he stood up and went to the door quickly. He walked to Gou’s door and announced loudly "Gou-chan, stop setting up Rin-chan to everyone! I think he just confessed to me!"

A loud squeal and crashing books could be heard from the other room. “ _Oh my god! Finally_!”

Rin promptly hit his head on the table and groaned.  _What have I done?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually took _two freaking months_ to finish this, and I have no excuse. This AU is so close to my heart and I want so many things for it that I got distracted and had too much emotions. Totally just my fault.
> 
> I suggest you read the first chapter again and read the story in one go, to refresh your memory. 
> 
> To be honest, this was much more sad in the first two or three drafts. Yes, there were _many_ drafts. Some of them were deleted because of spite. Some got deleted in an awful laptop accident. Anyway, the point is, this became much happier the more I edited it. Also not-even-subtle innuendos appeared out of nowhere. This is basically 17k words of fluff and some feelings.

“I was so  _blind_.” Gou chatted animatedly, practically bouncing on the bed as she smiled brightly at her brother. “I should have seen it! I mean, yes, I was suspicious, but I couldn’t imagine it working that well so-”

Part of Rin was happy that Gou was happy. But another part of him just wanted to run away and never come back to Iwatobi again. Mostly because of thoughts like  _what the hell is she talking about???_

“You like touching people but you don’t really like being touched that much but with Nagisa-kun, it’s like you’re just so comfortable-” She stopped gushing over how  _perfect_  and  _wonderful_  this is when she saw his face. “You’re pale… Are you alright?”

Rin frowned and nodded. “I- um,” He looked at the ceiling, wondering if it was possible to be struck by lighting right now and escape this tragedy. “I’m just overwhelmed.” It was true, but not in the way Gou thinks. At least he wasn’t lying. Not much, anyway. “Everything was just… everything happened so fast.” Another truth. Why the hell did everything develop this fast again? Ah, yes, Nagisa Hazuki. That heaven-sent demon.

She laughed, soft and content, before sitting down on the floor beside him. She placed a gentle hand above his lap, a comforting gesture she inherited from their mom. “I know.” She said, smiling up at him. “Nagisa could be a handful sometimes but if he makes you happy, then I’m happy for you too.”

Well, given how he was happy that she was happy, and she was happy because of Nagisa’s plan, in a weird way he really  _was_  happy because of Nagisa. (He promptly told himself to just stop thinking because he’s giving himself a headache.) He ruffled her hair before standing up with a sigh. “I think I need to call that guy over. I’m worried about what he’s saying to mom. Besides, I still need to help him with physics.”

“Hm~” She smiled mischievously, eyes showing a glint that Rin was honestly scared of. “Maybe mom’s giving him ‘the talk’ already.”

He groaned. “No. She won’t-”

“Maybe she’s telling Nagisa that if he hurts you, he’ll be _disowned_ and-”

Rin didn’t let her finish. He just went running to the first floor, wondering what the hell he ever did to deserve this fate. “Mom!” He exclaimed, just as she was about to take a photo album from the shelf. He frowned and stared pointedly at it, as if its existence was offending him. “Isn’t it a bit too early for that?”

His mom rolled her eyes, placing the photo album on the table in front of Nagisa. “Dear, you’re already going out. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

It was moving too fast, this plan.  _Definitely_  too fast. They’ve only been going out for a day. And yet everyone’s acting like idiots already. “ _Nagisa_.” He probably sounded desperate, but he really couldn’t do anything about that. “We need to study already. Let’s go to my room.” He glanced at his mom who was giving him a patented ‘Knowing-Mom’ look. Rin wanted to hit his head against the wall.

\---

Nagisa smiled widely as Rin dragged him to sit on his usual spot behind the table. “You’re not supposed to look so angry, Rin-chan.” He said teasingly as he watched him sit across the small table. “You’re the one who confessed to me.”

Rin glared at him hard. “That wasn’t the plan.”

A part of him warmed while looking at that irritated expression. There was just something special about getting into Rin’s nerves sometimes. It felt like he won some sort of contest whenever it happened. He hid the smile that was about to creep into his expression and instead pouted, leaning his chin on the table and looking up at the older boy. “But it’s cuter this way, right? They’re both happy!” He smiled widely, not letting the older boy dampen his mood at all. “I think Auntie was about to give me ‘the talk’ before you fetched me.”

Another pained groan came out of Rin’s lips. He lied his forehead on the table, bumping it three times as if berating himself. “ _Why_ ”

Sighing deeply, Nagisa reached out to poke at Rin’s head. “You’ll hurt your pretty face.” He joked, but with enough softness that it was obvious he was a bit worried too. (The question was whether Rin read into it the right way. The older boy had the stupid habit of misunderstanding anything and everything the people around him did. Like a helpless puppy.) “Come on, let’s just stud-” He narrowed his eyes at the words he was about to say. “Should we go out and have a date to get away from your mom…?” He asked instead, the hopeful tone obvious in his voice.

Rin looked up at him with narrowed eyes. “If I’m going to suffer, so will you.” He said definitively, because he’s a cruel asshole (who is also nice in all the right ways, anyway). “We will  _study_  the whole day.”

“You’re the worst boyfriend ever.” Nagisa said offhandedly, already rummaging through his bag for the things he’d need for the study session.

“Luckily, I’m not yours.” Rin replied quietly, rolling his eyes.

They settled into studying quite quickly, mostly because they were used to this. Rin was a great tutor, and Nagisa was a bad academic student. They already had that dynamics going on for the past year, ever since Gou asked Rin to help out that one time Nagisa was failing calculus. Secretly, Nagisa was thankful for that incident. His grades weren’t that great and he particularly hated studying by himself. And he hated asking his sisters for help too. (They were 500x more evil than Satan himself, Nagisa was pretty sure of that.)

Besides, Rin was, despite his unsociable behavior, a great teacher. He could break down theories into understandable chunks of information, and he knew exactly how to motivate Nagisa. He also had examples that were much more interesting than the one in books.

(It was just like 10 years ago, when Rin was teaching Nagisa how to swim better.  _Not that Rin remembered any of that_.)

They’ve been studying for more than an hour and a half when Gou knocked on the door. “Hey guys?” She waited for Rin’s permission before slowly opening the door, eyes widening as she stepped in. “You’re really studying.” She uttered, as if in shock.

Nagisa moaned in pain. “Right?” He asked loudly, pouting at her.

Rin looked at the two of them with that frown that clearly meant he didn’t understand what they were talking about. Nagisa wanted to reach out and pinch his cheeks. (He’ll probably be punched if he does that, but it will be so  _worth it_.)

“You’re in front of each other. Studying.” Gou said again, amusement now clear in her expression. Rin made a frustrated sound at the back of his throat, as if this was too confusing for him and he wanted to punch the wall.

“He’s a horrible boyfriend and I want to break up with him.” Nagisa said with a fake serious face on.

Rin stared wide-eyed at him as Gou started to giggle uncontrollably. “His face! His face!” She pointed at her brother, leaning on the door frame for support. “Awww, I should have taken a picture!”

“Rinrin’s adorable.” Nagisa nodded solemnly.

Gou cooed and smiled widely at them. “Already giving each other nicknames?” She was positively glowing, looking like the happiest girl on earth. Nagisa chanced a glance at Rin and saw him staring in awe at his sister.  _Siscon_. “That is so cute!”

Rin snapped out of his stupor and frowned at the book in front of him instead, ever the adorable denial king. “He gave me that nickname nine years ago.” He grumbled, picking up the pen and clicking on it repeatedly.

Blinking in confusion, Gou glanced at Nagisa. “Eh?”

Nagisa just grinned widely and nodded. “Remember when I told you I knew your brother before? He taught me how to swim better.” His voice had a clear fondness in it that she most definitely caught. She smiled wider. “It was just a few weeks but I called him ‘Rinrin’ and everyone started calling him that too.”

“It was bullying, that’s what it was.” Rin muttered as he started writing out more problems. Nagisa knew he was making up harder problems than usual as a way of getting revenge. Typical.

“Oh, come on~” Nagisa prodded his arm with the tip of his pencil. “It’s a good nickname and you secretly like it.”

“I hate-” Rin narrowed his eyes at him before bringing his attention back to the book. “You’re distracting me from making more questions,” He stated knowingly. “Won’t work on me, brat.”

Gou laughed as Nagisa slumped forward tiredly. “You both look exhausted. Why don’t you eat something downstairs? Mom’s gone off to work already.” She opened the door and stepped out. “I’ll fix something for you.”

“No need.” Rin called out as she went out of their view. “I’ll order some pizza for us.”

Nagisa’s eyes widened in glee. He stood up and crossed to Rin’s side, quickly hugging his arm happily. “I take it back. You’re the best!” He looked up to see Rin rolling his eyes at him. “Meat Lover’s please? The biggest size?”

Rin chuckled and nodded. “Two of those, actually.”

Laughing, Nagisa hugged him tighter. “Let’s never break up  _ever_.”

“Stop flirting and order that pizza now!” Gou shouted from downstairs. She sounded much happier than she has been the past month.

\---

_Gou could remember it clearly, that day she accidentally saw him sitting in front of their dad’s grave. Her brother was slumped on the floor, drinking beer in front of the tombstone. She wondered whether she should go there and ask why he was here, or respect his privacy and let him be._

_Before she could decide though, Rin spoke in a slightly-louder-than-usual voice, tone more like a whine than anything else. “He hasn’t talked to me at all.” He took another swig from the bottle. His cheeks were considerably red, and when she focused more on his face, she realized there were tears in his eyes. He was crying._

_It was two years after Australia, and it was the first time Gou saw him crying._

_“This sucks.” He grumbled, bowing his head as tears fell to the ground continuously. “I shouldn’t have-” His left hand clenched at his lap. “I was wrong. Haruka isn’t at fault, I know that. But still…” He sniffed. “Still, he shouldn’t have avoided me, right? He should have- He should have at least properly told me he would never see me as anything else. He should have-” A sob broke out from deep within his throat, a sound so heartbreaking that it made Gou want to go over there and hug him. “I wanted to remain by his side. It’s the only place I want to be in.”_

_That confession was followed by a long moment of silence, with only the sound of Rin’s sobs echoing around. She crouched behind the tree, staying hidden and just watching her brother cry._

_There and then, she decided that she’ll do anything to make him move on from this. She’ll do_ **_anything_ ** _to heal those wounds._

\---

They had been officially going out for a week. Just a week, but Rin had stress levels higher than when he’s preparing for competitions. Which is completely unnecessary, given how it was not really all that hard to pretend. He was in his dorm for the whole week, so all he had to do was text or call Nagisa during his breaks.

Not to mention, Nagisa did all the hard work: convincing Gou that they were going strong and that Rin was as sweet as can be. (”Or as sweet as physically possible for someone with your attitude, I guess” Nagisa had explained to him, a clear teasing tone in his voice.)

The phone calls weren’t difficult either. They were even kind of…  _pleasant_. Sometimes, Rin would even think they were fun. They didn’t have to talk any differently. (For a moment, Rin was scared they’d have to be mushy and wax poetry about each other, but luckily that wasn’t  _normal behavior_? Rin refuses to believe that, since he thinks couples should be as sweet as possible, but he was thankful for that apparent general fact anyway.)

Nagisa was the one who handled the conversation starters, and he was as random as usual every time. Most of the time though, they’d talk about Gou and her activities.

On one of their longer phone calls, Nagisa insisted that Rin had some sort of sister complex and that Rin had an inability to say no to Gou. (”I can say no to her!” He growled at the phone, but Nagisa just laughed at him as if he was joking.) He also insisted that Rin was in denial about being a creeper brother. (”What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?” He sighed out in exasperation as Nagisa continued his explanation with a “You check her schedule and you don’t even realize it. You’re an in-denial creeper.”)

By the fifth day, they’d started going to more personal conversations. Like how much Nagisa loved swimming and how much he remembered the days when Rin would teach him how to swim butterfly. (”You said I looked like a grasshopper! I think it was supposed to be an insult but I thought it was adorable…”) Honestly, it was disconcerting how well Nagisa remembered it and how Rin doesn’t quite remember it as much. He slowly pieced the memories together though, as the younger boy continued talking about it. It was nice, remembering those moments one by one.

By the sixth day, the conversations were so easy flowing that they ended up talking until well into the midnight.

It was, Rin realized, so  _easy_  that it was hard. The whole pretending-to-be-boyfriends ruse was so easy, nice and comfortable that the guilt was tripled by the time he was alone with his thoughts. He wouldn’t go as far as say that he wanted it to be  _real_ , because this was not like anything he’d ever done. It was not like with Haruka. He was not in love, and neither was Nagisa.

(From the few times Rei was mentioned in their conversations, Rin was sure Nagisa still had lingering feelings for his ex. It was understandable. If Rin, who was never in a relationship with Haruka, could not... well, not  _get over_  probably, just forget... If Rin could not forget his feelings for Haruka, he can't even imagine how hard it is for Nagisa.)

What he wanted was for their relationship, whatever it was, to not be based on a lie. He wanted to truly call Nagisa a friend without worrying about what his mother and sister thought. He wanted to be able to text Nagisa without the worry of his sister thinking it was too polite or rude to be a message from a lover. He wanted to stop worrying and just immerse himself in comfortable banter with him.

 

And that was the reason why, on the seventh day, Rin went straight to Nagisa’s house. (He had the boy’s biodata, therefore his address, since Nagisa jokingly said he was employed by Rin and so it had to be done. Rin thinks Nagisa was just playing around. As usual.) He wore a striped white-red-black t-shirt, the black jacket Nagisa said he liked, black pants and his running shoes.

For the past week, Nagisa has been doing his best, so Rin decided to reward his efforts with something special. (He was someone who hated losing, after all. He refused to be in debt with Nagisa all the time.)

“Rin-chan?” A sleepy voice answered from the other line. “It’s too early…” He moaned and a rustling sound could be heard. Rin knew he was burrowing himself deeper under his sheets, like a small animal seeking warmth.

“I’m a few minutes away from your house.” Rin said with a small smile. “I have tickets for Funland.”

A moment of silence. Then, a sudden loud thump, as if the phone fell down the bed. “Eh?!” Nagisa’s voice sounded like it was far away. Another rustling of sheets, as if he was diving for the phone on the floor. “How?” He sounded close now, probably having retrieved the phone. “I heard you can’t get it without-”

Rin chuckled, and he knew there was smugness in his tone when he replied with a “I have my resources.”

Another silence, with only the sound of Nagisa breathing. “…you evil monster.” He huffed out, a laugh escaping as footsteps accentuated his words. “Seriously? Nitori-kun? He would have loved to go  _with you_!”

Blinking in surprise, Rin halted his steps. “How-?”

Rin could almost hear Nagisa rolling his eyes. It was another disconcerting thing, that ability to imagine exactly how Nagisa reacts to what he says. “You told me about Nitori-kun having a relative who works there.” Nagisa explained. “And, I’m pretty sure he’s the only one of your friends who would be kind enough to just give away tickets.”

“I bought them.” Rin replied defensively.

“You’re still horrible.” Nagisa said, teasing.

“I’d go back to the dorm and ask Nitori out, if that would be better.” Rin said gamely, smiling as he heard a strangled yelp and an immediate ‘No!!!’

Nagisa must have been shuffling through his clothes because only the sound of cloth being hauled around was heard from the other line for a few seconds before he added a “You will not go on a date with anyone else, okay?”

Rin would say it wasn’t a date, would say this was a thank you gift, but saying it was a ‘fake date’ was actually much more easier than saying it was something from the heart. He’d rather not give Nagisa more ammo to blackmail him later.

 

  
They met up at a 7-11 a street away from Nagisa’s house, because while the younger boy was already an honorary member of the Matsuokas, he wasn’t quite ready to let Rin meet his big sisters yet. ‘They’re the spawn of evil’ was Nagisa’s exact words. Rin shuddered at the thought of 4 girls being scarier than Nagisa. It wasn’t a nice image.

Nagisa showed up wearing a baby blue jacket with a white shirt underneath, and brown cargo pants. He had a cute flower pin on his hair, but it was probably placed there by his sister because he removed it as soon as he caught sight of it on the mirror. “Hi!” He greeted after he fixed his hair.

“Your sisters saw you?” Rin asked, amused.

“They asked me if I had a date.” Nagisa shrugged, sitting beside him and snatching his Slurpee from his grip. “I told them I was and then they fussed over me.” He sipped on it noisily before giving it back. “Ugh, your taste.” He stuck out his tongue and crinkled his nose.

Rin just rolled his eyes and sipped his Sports Raging Red Slurpee (which tastes good, okay). “I would buy you something to drink, but your bottomless pit of a stomach wouldn’t be contented with just one so I thought we’d just go there early so you could eat everything you want inside Funland.”

Nagisa grinned widely and nodded. “You know me so well.”

 

 

Funland wasn’t officially open yet to the public. It was being tested for reactions from a specific number of people. Of course, as Nagisa predicted, Rin had snagged a spot for them and somehow found a way for the two of them to be testers for a whole day.  _Nitori is the best roommate ever_.

They arrived at around ten a.m. and there were only a few people on the line. Nagisa happily chattered about the things he has heard about the place: the thriller rides, the horror house, and the pizza place in the middle of the park. It was Nagisa Heaven, or so he said.

Rin contented himself with listening, smiling a bit at how excited he was. It was worth having Nitori look at him with a pout for a few days, just to see Nagisa jumping up and down as they walked through the place. The ‘this is my thank you gift’ was left unsaid but he knew Nagisa understood anyway. Nagisa always understood.

 

The first thing they did was line up for the roller coaster. “Better to start your day with a bang!” was Nagisa’s reason. There were about 10 people in front of them in the line: two couples and a group of friends. The employee announced that they’d have to wait a few more minutes before the attraction opened.

“I like rides like this the most.” Nagisa said as he stared wide-eyed at the big roller coaster. “It’s exciting and it’s the best~ What does Rin-chan like?”

Rin frowned as he thought about that. “I don’t like amusement parks” was the only answer he could think of, so that was what he answered.

“Che~” Nagisa snickered, shaking his head. “Don’t tell me you only think about swimming and training and school?”

It was exactly that. Rin has a very strong focus on his priorities, and he doesn’t like thinking of other things. He’s an achiever, and playing around was just not in his plan. Well, not after Australia, anyway. (Before, he used to be the kind of kid who would invent imaginative play and run around randomly with friends. Training with a bunch of competitive assholes tends to change you, good and bad ways alike.)

Sighing, Nagisa gripped his arm tightly and stared him in the eye. “You are going to have fun today whether you like it or not.” He said firmly. “This is an intervention.”

Rin huffed out, torn between laughter and disbelief. “We went here because of you.” He said instead.  _This isn’t about me_  is what he meant.

“That is sweet.” Nagisa nodded, still with that determined expression. “But I refuse to be in a relationship where I’m the only one having fun.”

It was a fake relationship, and this was a thank you gift for Nagisa. Rin wasn’t sure why he was insisting on having fun together, but it just seemed unlikely for the plan to work. He rolled his eyes and said, voice dripping with false sweetness, “I’m happy as long as you’re happy,  _sweetheart_.”

Nagisa scowled at him and hit him on the shoulder.

 

  
So.

Apparently, going through all the thriller rides and having someone who enthusiastically runs up and down the street while waving at you with a large smile was not as annoying as Rin initially thought. Having someone tug at your sleeve while pointing at everything was even less annoying. Having someone with as much energy and enthusiasm as Nagisa was… Rin would go with  _pleasant_  in this one.

Okay, maybe more than pleasant. He was having  _fun_. Genuine fun. The kind that fills you with joy and makes you smile no matter how much you try to stop your face from doing it. He, after a long time of solitude and active attempts of pushing people away, was actually having the time of his life.

But... he’d still deny it if you ask.

 

 

“And here we are. The most important attraction of all.” Nagisa grandly announced, gripping at Rin’s hand with amazement clear on his tone.

A frown appeared immediately on Rin’s face. “Really? This? This is the most important attraction?” Rin has firm belief that the Ferris wheel, ridden at sunset or during the night, was the most important attraction. It was essential for all amusement park dates and it was the climax of each one.

Nagisa nodded eagerly, tugging at his hand as the line moved. “Of course! Hunted houses are important staple parts of an amusement park date! One would get scared and then skinship occurs!  _Skinship_ , Rin-chan!” He looked utterly sure of this. Which is stupid, because Rin was sure he was wrong.

“Wrong.” Rin flatly refused to believed that. Rolling his eyes, he noted “I’m not afraid and you’re not afraid, so that doesn’t work.” Not to mention, they were somehow holding hands now and it’s not weird at all. Skinship is exactly the thing they do. It’s not even a couple thing for them, just a Rin-and-Nagisa thing.

“Mou,” Nagisa pouted, wrinkling his nose and looking at Rin with a disappointed expression. “You’re supposed to be supportive and act scared.”

He rolled his eyes again, because Nagisa is ridiculous. “There’s nothing scary about haunted houses.”

Smiling to himself, Nagisa glanced at the group of girls in front of them. “That’s what you think.”

  
And of course, since Nagisa was not normal, they didn’t just go in there and walked to the end. They actually poked around and looked at all the paths. And then they even watched the reactions of other groups. They hid around and surprised people, as if they were part of the attraction instead of mere customers. Nagisa laughed loudly every time a group of girls squealed and separated into different paths. By the time they got out, a member of the cast stopped them and asked them if they wanted to work part-time in there. Apparently, instead of being scolded for causing a ruckus, they added a little something that made the cast want them in the ensemble. It was weird, but also strangely fulfilling.

 

  
They decided to eat lunch after that. Nagisa had the biggest smile on his face as he pulled Rin’s hand and continued talking about how fun it was. "We should call! Wouldn't it be fun? You had fun, right?!"

"Yeah. I-" His eyes widened as he realized what he was saying. "I mean-" He frowned at the floor.

Nagisa stopped on his tracks and burst out laughing, his other hand clutching his stomach. "Is it really so bad that you're having fun?"

Rin sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, I'm having fun." He muttered. Then, with a huff, he added "But this was supposed to be about you."  _I was supposed to thank you, not feel more indebted to you._

"Well," Nagisa looked up at his face with a soft smile. "I'm happy as long as you're happy,  _sweetheart_." Rin knew it was a joke, a mocking of what he just said earlier today. But there was something about the way he said it, about the way his lips quirked after he looked away, that made Rin think there was something more he didn't quite understand. "We should order lots and lots of food. I'm starving." Nagisa tightened his grip on Rin's hand as he walked forward once again.

"Yeah, yeah." Rin allowed himself to smile and squeeze his hand back. "Me too."

\---

"Thanks! It was really fun!" Nagisa sat back on his bed, clutching his cellphone on one hand while arranging his things with the other. "I can't believe how perfect that place is." He smiled widely as he heard Rin laugh from the other line. "You were having so much fun~"

He could almost see Rin rolling his eyes at him. "You're blowing it out of proportion." Rin huffed. "It was  _just_  fun."

"I still made you laugh." Nagisa insisted.

"Yeah." Rin gave up resisting. "You did."

"I had lots and lots of fun too." He added, knowing full well that it was what Rin wanted to hear. He really did have fun, more than he's had for the past weeks. For a day, he forgot a lot of things. He didn't even have any kind of stupid flashbacks today. "I don't want to break up,  _ever_." He sighed out contentedly.

Rin laughed at that. "We can't break up if we're not together."

"That's exactly the point!" Nagisa exclaimed. "We're totally safe!" He grinned as he tried to imagine what Rin looked like right now. "I'm not going to make Rin-chan cry." He added solemnly.

"Wow, thanks." Rin replied sarcastically. "Now, go study seriously. You have an oral exam in that one subject, right?"

Nagisa grinned. "I didn't tell you that." He said, voice filled with amusement. "Did you check Gou-chan's schedule again?"

"I didn't, idiot. I just saw her studying." Rin sighed in irritation. "I'm not a creepy brother. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Right, sure." Nagisa laughed and went over to his desk. "I'll study properly now. I promise."

"You do that." Rin sounded as if he was smiling. It was a nice sound. "Good night."

"Good night."

\---

_“Let’s break up.” Nagisa forced a smile on his face as he stopped on his tracks in front of Rei’s Tokyo apartment._

_Rei frowned and stared at him with disbelief. “Why-”_

_“I can’t do this anymore.” He explained, voice strained. “We barely see each other. We’re too busy with school and part-time jobs and our own lives. We can’t do this.”_

_Shaking his head repeatedly, Rei stepped forward to grip both of his arms tightly. “I’m not giving up. You told me we could do this. Nagisa-kun…”_

_“I was wrong?” Nagisa bit the insides of his cheek, trying hard not to cry. “I’m tired, Rei-chan. I’m just- I’m just really tired. This isn’t working.”_

_“You said we’d make it work!” Rei insisted, eyes wide with fear and anger. “You said you’d wait for me! Why are you doing this?!”_

_Nagisa slowly shook his head. He grimaced at the pain on his arms where Rei was gripping him too tightly. “I’m sorry.” He said quietly. “I was wrong and I’m sorry. We can’t make it work.” He pried his hands off and stepped back, forcing another smile on his face. “Goodbye, Rei-chan.”_

_It took him a few minutes before he could find a quiet place to hide in. A dark place where he could fall on his knees and cry. He knew he could have waited. He knew he could have made it work, somehow. He promised. He was sure everything would be alright._

_But Rei had responsibilities. He had big dreams. Rei didn’t need distractions, and he didn’t need the burden of thinking about Nagisa’s happiness. Rei needed all the time and focus he could get. He was too hardworking, too sincere, too nice. He worked too hard for Nagisa, and it was breaking him._

_Nagisa just wanted him to be happy. To be successful. To stop stressing himself too much._

_It was painful to feel like the bad guy, but it was all for the best. It was easier to be the bad guy than be the cruel, clingy lover. “Goodbye,” He sobbed out as he hugged his knees closer. “Goodbye, Rei-chan.”_

\---

Another week passed without much change. The only difference was the increasing amount of calls they made towards each other. And the duration of each call. (Nagisa would never let Rin forget about the cost of calls nowadays, and how it equated to a lifetime supply of fries and burgers that Rin would eventually have to pay.)

On a Friday afternoon though, instead of Nagisa answering the phone, it was Gou who picked up. "I bought tickets." She said as a matter of greeting.

"Uh, I don't follow." He answered dumbly, confused.

"I bought tickets for a movie and since you're an awful boyfriend, you should get it from me and ask him out tomorrow." She explained, voice sounding more like a preschool teacher than a little sister.

He sighed. "I'm not an awful boyfriend." He objected, pouting to himself. "I am a perfectly good boyfriend."

She giggled upon hearing that, taking a few seconds before replying again. "Yeah, I guess you are." She sighed, and it was such a nice contented sound. Rin felt all warm and fuzzy upon hearing it. "You brought him to an amusement park and I heard it was the best thing ever. He gushed about it for  _days_."

He couldn't help the smug grin that settled on his lips. "I'll take the tickets though. Is it a horror film?"

"Um, no." She answered uneasily. "It's a love story."

Rin groaned and facepalmed. " _You're_  the awful sister and best friend."

"You like love stories!" She retorted, indignant.

"...Yeah, I do." He conceded. (A voice inside his head promptly said 'hah~ you can't say no to your sister!') "But Nagisa doesn't like it as much."

"He does! I mean, he did say he wanted to watch a movie you wanted to see. Something about judging if your taste is as bad as your Slurpee choices... or something." She just really sounded confused about that. "You have too many inside jokes now, I feel like an outsider." He could hear the frown in her voice, but then she sighed happily again, "It's cute though."

"We don't have inside jokes." He rolled his eyes. "That's all just Nagisa being an idiot." He knew there was a fondness in his tone that he wasn't even faking anymore. Then again, he's always had a fondness for that brat, even before everything.

"So you say." Gou giggled before hurriedly saying "Oh he's here! Come home later so I could give you the ticket, okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

\---

It was going so well. So, so well. Just like the past two weeks had been going.

But then it happened.

Nagisa should have seen that coming, really. He was an optimist, but he also knew things can’t go smooth-sailing without some stupid drama appearing out of the blue. His life is like a romance novel sometimes. Plot twists were inevitable.

“Haru…” Rin’s eyes were wide in surprise as he stopped on his tracks. Nagisa, who was holding his hand, got pulled into the side at the sudden halt. “Makoto.” He nodded to the two, a hardened expression on his face. A large part of Nagisa wanted to pull Rin away and make him laugh and forget this ever happened.

“Ah, hi!” Nagisa enthusiastically smiled at the two, hoping to god that he’s good enough to distract Rin from his destructive thoughts. (He knew more than anyone by now that Rin was a danger to himself sometimes, that his train of thoughts aren’t always safe and healthy. Guilt and self-hate was a common past time for Rin, and he didn’t even realize it himself.) “Remember me? Hazuki Nagisa. We went to the same High School?”

Makoto smiled gently and nodded. “I remember. You were in the Swim team, right? You were our junior. It’s been a while.”

Haruka wasn’t even looking at them. He was looking at the popcorn stand as if it was the most interesting thing he has seen in his entire life. “I’ll buy some popcorn.” He announced suddenly, before walking off. Nagisa saw the way his eyes flitted to Rin for just a second before he hurried away.

“We should-” Makoto looked panicked, like he was unsure whether to console Rin or to hurry towards Haruka. “Rin, I-”

Rin forced a smile, huffing out a breath that might seem like a ‘I-don’t-really-care’ to anyone else, but sounded more like ‘I-am-in-pain’ to both of them. Makoto seemed to understand it too, because his eyes softened some more. “I’m fine.” Rin laughed an empty laugh and Nagisa felt his heart ache at the sound. “You should go supervise the idiot before he chokes on the popcorn.”

Makoto bit his lower lip, staring at Rin with concern. He then placed a gentle hand on Rin’s arm and squeezed comfortingly. “Let’s hang out together some time too. I missed you.” He smiled before glancing at Nagisa. “Nagisa-kun, take care of Rin, okay?”

Nagisa smiled gratefully. It’s good to see people who care this much about Rin. “Of course I will.” He glanced up just in time to see Rin rolling his eyes and muttering ‘I’m not a child’.

“We’re going to watch that-”

“Stupid film about some fishes, right?” Rin finished, smiling just a bit. Despite how hurt he must be, there was still fondness in his tone. Nagisa wondered how much of a masochist Rin must be, and how much of a martyr complex he must have. That doesn’t sound healthy at all.

Offering a small smile, Makoto nodded and thumped Rin on the shoulder one last time before going off to Haruka’s side. “See you, Rin.”

\---

“I’ll buy popcorn later. Let’s get some good seats for now.” Nagisa decided, pulling Rin forward immediately. Nothing good would come out of more interactions with Haruka-senpai. He obviously didn’t want to talk to Rin, and Rin obviously was hurt just by Haruka’s presence. “I hope it’s a good film.”

“There are lots of great reviews online. The main actors are nominated for some prestigious awards and the director already won some for this movie.” Rin absentmindedly explained, still looking around as if afraid to bump into more people. “The novel it was based on was a bestseller and received numerous awards too.”

Squeezing his hands just a bit, Nagisa continued walking. “You really checked, huh.” He noted quietly while searching for the best place to sit.

Times like this calls for desperate measures. What should he do? “We could go sit in the middle, for an awesome view.” He stopped and waited until Rin looked at him. “Or,” He grinned wickedly, wishing with all his heart that this distraction tactic would work. “We could sit at the back and make-out.”

Rin gaped at him, eyebrows furrowed and jaw hanging open. “What?!”

Nagisa shrugged. “We could sit at the back and-”

“ _No._  Don’t repeat it. I swear to god, Nagisa…” Rin sighed, and then after a few seconds, he laughed out loud. “Who even does that anymore?” He said while laughing. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Oh come on,” Nagisa pouted, feeling proud of himself for pulling off that plan. “It’s such a brilliant idea!” He smiled widely and giggled, making kissy noises and playfully leaning to his ear.

Rin’s eyes softened as he ruffled Nagisa’s hair just like how he does with Gou. “Thanks.” His lips curved into a small smile as he pulled Nagisa to the middle of the cinema. “Let’s sit at the middle like good adults.”

“I’m not 20 yet. I have every right to rebel and do dangerous stuff~” Nagisa argued, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“As your guardian for today,” Rin faked a serious-parent voice and eyed him suspiciously. “I am banning you from saying any kind of innuendo or doing any kind of dangerous things.”

Nagisa narrowed his eyes at him. “Killjoy.” He sounded way more happy than anything though, so it didn’t sound like a complaint at all.

“Thanks.” Rin just smiled at him fondly before sitting down on the aisle seat. “Now, shut up and let me concentrate on the movie.”

\---

“I wasn’t crying.” Rin scowled at his food, wishing that the ground would just open up and eat him. Better yet, the ground should open up and eat Gou and his mom.  _Traitors_. “My eyes just hurt when the lights opened again.”

Nagisa laughed at him while shaking his head.  _That little shit_. He would never believe in that brat ever again. His trust in humanity is gone. “You were sniffling!” Nagisa insisted. “And your face was all red!”

Gou joined in his laughter, watching Rin with amusement. “I could totally see it!”

“You’ve always been the crybaby.” His mom agreed, smiling softly while primly taking another bite of the steak they had for dinner.

“I’m not a crybaby.” Rin argued weakly, choosing to stuff his face with food instead of saying anything more. He was on the losing side, after all. Three against one! How is that fair?! Why are they all teasing him, anyway? He’s the Matsuoka here! They should be on his side!

“Awww…” Nagisa patted his arm lightly, as if sensing his thoughts. “We still love you even if you cry over happy endings. It was a touching moment, anyway.” There was just enough softness in his tone that it sounded at least 60% sincere. Rin will take what he could get.

“Nagisa-kun would love you unconditionally.” Gou nodded repeatedly, offering her full support to Team Nagisa. “Even if you’re a crybaby.”

Rin rolled his eyes. “Can we stop talking about that?” He glared at the two, then sent a look of SOS at his mom.

“Ease off the crybaby’s back.” His mom commanded with a straight face.

“Mom!” Rin exclaimed, eyes wide. Traitors, all of them are.

Nagisa and Gou continued laughing even when Rin ignored all of them in lieu of chewing his steak noisily.

When they were finally quiet, his mom looked across the table at Nagisa and asked, “Would you sleep over?” as if it was a normal occurrence. Which, to be honest, might actually be the truth. He probably has a futon for himself by now. And a spare pajama. And slippers. Rin should investigate that thoroughly.

“Can I?” Nagisa asked, smiling widely. Even before she answered, Rin knew she would agree already. Who could even say no to that smile?

Nodding, she glanced at Rin and seemed thoughtful for a moment. “Should I take out your futon or…” (See! He has his own futon!)

“He’ll sleep on my bed.” Rin said offhandedly. That was what couples do, right? Sleep on the same bed?

Gou immediately smiled and eyed the two. “Oh~”

“We’re gonna play some video games.” Rin flatly said, narrowing his eyes at Nagisa as if to warn him not to say anything stupid.

But this is Nagisa, so of course he’d say something stupid. Why did Rin ever think otherwise? “Is that code for something?” He asked as innocent as a child. Demon spawn child, that is.

His mom shook her head fondly, smiling at Nagisa like he was her favorite child. (Probably not far from the truth.) “No hanky-panky while mom is at home.”

“Oh god.” Rin groaned. “Please don’t say things like that.” He could feel his neck turning red. Parents are so embarrassing sometimes.

“Rin-chan, auntie is just concerned for us. Safe se-”

“Nagisa! Shut up!” He interrupted before he hears anything more scarring. “Please just- Everyone, just eat your dinner in peace.”

Gou laughed quietly at him, not being able to stop herself. He’s starting to think she actually enjoys his misery. Her Best Little Sister status should be revoked immediately. “I’ll wash the dishes. You’re probably tired.” Or maybe not. Still best sister, then.

“Thanks.” Rin muttered, scooping the last of his dinner into his mouth.

\---

_It was a kiss that broke everything._

_A simple kiss._

_Like a bullet piercing through everything Rin worked hard for, the kiss broke their friendship into a million pieces. It made Haruka look at him with wide, surprised eyes. Then fear. It made Haruka look at him as if he wasn’t Rin anymore, as if he wasn’t someone to trust anymore._

_Rin messed up. He knew that as soon as Haruka pushed him away and stared at him in disbelief._

_Just one touch of Rin’s lips with his, and yet it felt more than that. Rin felt electricity along his spine. A blaze of fire in his heart. Haruka probably felt chills. Haruka probably felt disgusted, Rin isn’t entirely sure. Haruka most likely hated it._

_He didn’t mean to do it. He didn’t mean to break anything. All he knew was that Haruka was looking at him with bright, love-filled eyes at last. All he knew was that he wasn’t the only one with that expression anymore. He thought it was okay to lean forward and seal the deal._

_Except it wasn’t. Haruka was not ready. Haruka was just starting to open up fully. Haruka was just starting to trust people again. Rin did not have any right to ruin that. Rin did not have any right to decide for him. Rin ruined everything._

_Haruka ran away and never looked back. And from then on, Haruka never looked at him the same way again._

 

\---

“Rin-chan?” Nagisa poked at Rin’s side, trying to wake him up. After dinner, they did end up playing video games all night. Somehow, they fell asleep beside each other, sitting on the ground at the foot of the bed while still clutching the controllers in their hands. “Rin-chan, we should move to the bed.”

Rin moaned and his face contorted as if in pain. “No…” He shook his head slowly, his hands gripping the controller tighter. “Haru, no-” His voice was soft and sad. “ _Please_ ”

“Rin-chan, it’s just a dream.” Nagisa shook him harder.

“Don’t… leave me.” A tear actually fell from his eye.

Nagisa’s heart clenched painfully. “Rin-chan!” He shook him one more time until he saw Rin finally opening his eyes. “We should move to the bed.” He said quietly, wondering if Rin remembered his dream.

Wiping his face quickly, Rin nodded groggily before standing up. “Did I-” He stopped, obviously hesitant to ask. He crawled to his bed and took the left side, opening the blanket enough to let Nagisa in. When they finally settled beside each other, Rin spoke once again. “Did I say something?”

Honesty was always the way to go for Nagisa, so he answered truthfully. “Yes.” He said, voice soft and quiet like a whisper. “You said ‘Haru’ a few times.”

Rin chuckled with that empty sound again. “Oh. I thought I was over that.”

“Did you always have nightmares like that?” Nagisa stared at the ceiling; hands laced together settling on his chest.

“Before.” Rin spoke as if it was long ago. “After what happened.” He didn’t elaborate and Nagisa didn’t really want to ask either. “I guess seeing Haru triggered it.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Nagisa asked out of the blue. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear it but talking about problems is always a good thing. Letting it all out is a winning strategy as far as Nagisa is concerned. “About the nightmares or about Nanase-senpai.”

Rin was quiet for a while. Then, he nodded to himself, the motion rustling the pillow they were sharing. “It’s always the same dream: Haruka running away from me and me running after him. It’s endless. I just run harder and harder but I never quite reach him.”

Nagisa hummed in thought, just to show he was listening.

“It feels very real every time. Like the pain in my legs are real, or the lack of oxygen in my lungs. And Haruka… Haru would always look at me in disgust.” He laughed, self-deprecating and harsh. “I guess it mirrors reality in a lot of ways.”

“Nanase-senpai isn’t disgusted of you.” Nagisa objected, remembering the way Haruka looked at Rin for just a second. “It feels more like…” He tried to think of what that look meant, what that implied for the past Nagisa didn’t know about. “It feels more like he was afraid.”

“I’m not sure if that’s any better.” Rin replied, his self-hate voice still on. “He’s scared of me now? That’s not even a step up from disgust.”

Nagisa shook his head and rolled to his side to stare at Rin intently. “It’s not like that.” He said firmly. “He’s afraid of something, but not you. He doesn’t look at you with fear.” He sounded more serious than ever. That self-hate voice was something Nagisa did not want to hear. He needed to erase it. “Afraid to talk to you, maybe. Afraid of the action, not the person.” He poked at the crease on Rin’s forehead. “You’re not even scary. Who would be scared of you?” He offered a small smile.

Rin stared at him for a while, silent. “How are you sure of that?”

“I’ve seen that look.” Nagisa explained simply, the answer coming to him as clear as the sun. That's why it felt familiar. “Rei-chan looked like that last time I saw him. He doesn’t hate me or is afraid of me. He just- He just doesn’t want to talk because it scares him.”

“Comparing my unrequited-” Rin paused, as if realizing this was the first time he’d say this out loud. They both knew Nagisa understood it, that Gou said enough for him to instinctively get it, but there’s never been an actual confession regarding the matter. He cleared his throat. “Comparing my unrequited love to your ex-boyfriend doesn’t really sound fair. You were in a mutual relationship.”

Thinking deeply about it, he nodded a bit. “Probably. But I still feel it’s similar. It feels like Nanase-senpai… he, hmmm…” Nagisa wasn’t really sure about anything. There wasn’t enough information to infer anything just yet.

Rin probably picked up on that fact. “I probably had a chance.” He said, looking back at the ceiling to evade looking directly at Nagisa. “Haruka was a really close friend. It felt like we could be something more. He… He spent a lot of time with me and acted differently around me. It might have been my wishful thinking, but-” He sighed. “It really felt different. If I was smarter with my choices, it would have gone better.”

“Then I’m most definitely right.” Nagisa said with finality. “He’s not afraid or disgusted of you. Some things just make it harder for people to talk.”

“Yeah,” Rin conceded after a long pause. “I guess you’re right.” He yawned, moving to face the other side. “Thanks. For listening.” He muttered.

Smiling gently, Nagisa placed an arm around his waist, snuggling closer. “You’re always welcome.”

\---

 

“It’ll be your monthsary in a few days.” Gou said urgently, eyes showing determination. “Do you have a plan?”

Rin rolled his eyes and nodded. “Of course.” Who does she think he is? Of course he has a plan! Monthsaries are important events. (He refused to think too deeply into the fact that they’re already almost a month into this ruse, and that he was enjoying each day of it.) “We’re going to the beach. Alone. There’s this abandoned beach near my dorm. I have a whole plan ready, I've researched the place in depth.”

Her face positively lit up upon hearing that. “Awww,” She cooed. “He’d love that. He said he wanted to swim with you.”

“I know.” He smiled. “That’s why I chose the beach.”

“He’s so lucky to have you.” Gou sighed, half-proud, half-wistful. She was probably thinking about her idiotic suitors who didn’t know how to woo the same way Rin does. She always did think Rin had the best ideas, that he was the most romantic guy to ever walk the earth. He probably should feel bad for her suitors, but he just felt smug about it all. At least he didn’t need to ward off any guys, since she’s doing that perfectly already. She wouldn’t settle for anyone but the best.

Rin shrugged and replied with “I’m lucky to have him.” Which wasn’t even a lie at all. He was actually surprised at how truthful it was, how it came directly from the heart. That kind of sentiment doesn’t appear out of nowhere. He probably knew this for a long time already. “He’s good for me.”

She nodded in agreement. “He is.”

\---

Nagisa had only one wish from Rin. He wanted to swim with Rin again, to show him what he’s learned. He wanted to show off just a bit. Most of all, he wanted Rin to be proud of him. It took quite a number of conversations but Rin finally remembered most of the times they were together back when they were 12 years old. It might not be as important to Rin as it was to him, but the idea of him having those same thoughts makes him really happy.

Swimming with Rin was an activity he dreams about on a daily basis. It was a happy thought.

And so, when he took off his blindfold and looked around to see a pretty white-sand beach, he couldn’t help but excitedly cling to Rin’s arm while jumping up and down. “It’s the beach!” He exclaimed happily, laughing and smothering his face on Rin’s shoulder. “You’re the best~”

“Heh.” Rin grinned proudly. “Happy fake monthsary?”

Nagisa giggled. “Happy fake monthsary.” He nodded. Looking around, he spotted an umbrella and a blanket on the ground. “Is that-”

“Your clothes, buckets and shovels and the sandwiches I made.” Rin stated as they started walking towards it.

“How are you even real?” Nagisa looked up at him with large, amazed eyes. “Are you an angel sent to bless me?”

Rin laughed and shook his head with a fond smile on his face. “There’s a shop near here where you could change.”

Nagisa nodded absentmindedly while rummaging through the things. “Did you-” His eyes widened, glancing back to Rin, realization dawning at him. “You talked to my sisters!”

“They were nice.” Rin shrugged as if it was nothing. Hah.

“They’re  _not_.” Nagisa still had wide, surprised eyes. This is just really hard to believe. “How are you still alive? Why aren’t you afraid of them? How did you  _survive_?”

Rin rolled his eyes. “They’re nice because we share a common disdain towards you.”

 _And fondness_ , Nagisa wanted to add. Because seriously! They obviously all love him! Nagisa is the luckiest person on earth. Except his sisters are still really evil and their love is accompanied with painful embarrassment and actual physical pain. Rin is lucky he has Gou. Because Gou is sunshine and rainbows and beautiful plans and she’s just the best kind of sister, okay. Nagisa would forever be jealous.

“How did you even meet?” He crinkled his nose at the image of his sisters sharing his secrets to Rin.

“You gave me your address. Gou kept you busy.” Rin looked like he thought the plan was genius.

Which, in fairness, was true. “The  _traitor_!” Nagisa exclaimed, part-surprised and part-amused. “I thought she was on my side! She’s my best friend! That’s against the brocode!”

Rin laughed at that. “She’s my sister.” He raised an eyebrow as if daring Nagisa to challenge him.  _Siscon._  “Blood is thicker than water.”

“The brocode is thicker than blood.” Nagisa narrowed his eyes before going back to the bag. “I can’t trust anyone anymore.” He said, faking grumpiness.

“I do understand your lack of trust.” Rin nodded in agreement, looking mischievous. Nagisa wanted to throw sand at his face. “I’d have that too, if I grew up being dressed up by my sis-”

“They did  _not”_  It was more like an indignant ‘ohmygod they did not just show you that’ than an actual denial of anything. “Tell me you’re lying. I want my dignity back.”

Rin burst out laughing, face lighting up the way Gou’s does when she’s laughing at one of his jokes. It looked good on Rin, so Nagisa almost felt better.  _Almost_. “They gave me copies in a disk drive. They have soft  _copies_. Plural.”

Nagisa groaned and threw sand at Rin’s face, because he totally deserved that. “I want to break up. Now.” He puffed up his cheeks, crossing his arms.

“Your sister said if you break up with me, you’re the biggest idiot in the world.” Rin wiped at his face, sputtering just a bit. He smiled proudly at Nagisa, as if getting his sister’s approval was the same thing as winning the Olympics.  _This is big_. He probably doesn’t even know he’s making that face. He probably doesn’t even understand the implications of that. He probably forgot for just a moment how fake this relationship is.

“Yeah,” Nagisa sighed and pushed all his thoughts out. Thinking was bad for his health. Rin was the worrier, the over-thinker. If Rin wasn’t worrying, then Nagisa has no reason to. Nagisa’s always been good with going with the flow, after all. “Of course, I’d be an idiot. You’re the only half-shark, half-romantic hybrid in the world.”

Rin scrunched up his nose. “It says a lot about me that I don’t even find that insulting anymore.”

“Aw,” Nagisa cooed, poking Rin’s nose playfully. “I’m rubbing off on you.”

\---

The first thing Nagisa did, as expected, was to push Rin towards the water and let him fall flat on his face. “Rinrin - zero, Nagisa - 100 points!” He exclaimed happily, splashing water all around him. “Wooh!”

Not the type to stay down, Rin retaliated by grabbing Nagisa by the waist and throwing him into the water. They wrestled like that, splashing water at each other’s faces and kicking at each other to make the other one lose his balance. “Take this!” Rin splashed a huge wave towards Nagisa, laughing loudly as the other boy fell down on his butt on the shallow water. “Nagisa down!”

Nagisa laughed until his stomach hurt, and watched as Rin did the same. It was beautiful, Rin being open and laughing this way. He’s went a long way now. From being the Denial King, to being this. _Rinrin_. A guy who plans romantic outings and laughs like it’s nothing. A guy who could talk to Nagisa's sisters willingly without any awkwardness. A guy who could offer a whole day on the beach to be alone with him. It was so beautiful; it made Nagisa stare and smile like an idiot.

“You’re staring.” Rin raised an eyebrow at him, crouching down to sit beside him on the edge of the beach. “It’s creepy.”

Pouting, Nagisa poked him on the arm and gasped. “I am not creepy! My eyes were filled with love and fondness!” He looked at Rin indignantly.

The edge of Rin’s lips quirked up just a bit. “Love and fondness…” He let that trail off with an amused tinge to it. “Really.”

Nagisa was done staring in awe though. Now, he wanted to swim and show off his skills. He stood up and made a grand gesture with his hands. “I’ll show you something!” He said as he stood farther away from Rin and into the water. “My butterfly.”

Rolling his eyes, Rin crossed his arms and nodded. "Go on. Let's see what you've got."

He took a few deep breaths before facing the sea. He mentally reviewed some of the tips he's heard through the years, then realized belatedly that he really didn't know how to put any of those into practice. ("You're really bad at remembering concepts" was a common statement Rin would utter while tutoring him.) "Okay!" He waded until he was deep enough into the water. "Ready, get set..." Another deep breath. "Go!" He pushes himself forward before moving his hands as how he remembered. He swam butterfly for a few feet before stopping and going back to Rin’s side.

“So?” He grinned, waiting for Rin’s reaction.

Looking at the sky thoughtfully, Rin was quiet for a moment. “It’s not a grasshopper stroke, anymore.” He started, glancing at the other boy with a pensive expression. Nagisa lit up happily. “But,” He paused, narrowing his eyes. “It’s more like a frog than a butterfly.”

Eyes widening dramatically, Nagisa gasped. “Eh?!” He was so sure he did it right! “But Rei-chan told me it was good enough!” He insisted.

Rin gaped at him openly. Okay, so that was probably not the best thing to say. Still! Rei swam butterfly and he approved of Nagisa! “You…” Rin rolled his eyes and sighed. “Of course he’d say that. He has this kind of…” He contorted his face to an expression similar to what he does when he stares at Gou. “He has this kind of expression when he says that, doesn’t he?”

Nagisa wanted to laugh, because his Siscon face is also his love-struck face. God, Rin is such a dork. “He…” He tried to remember those days. It’s been so long now. They were just in High School then. 4 years ago? “He probably had that expression.” He nodded. Rei usually spoiled him when it comes to things like this. It isn’t a surprise that he’d just let Nagisa swim whatever way he wants.

"Love is blind." Rin said quietly.

“But love isn’t stupid.” Nagisa argued. “Rei-chan told me to stick to breast stroke.” He then pouted and crossed his arms. “That doesn’t really help me though. I wanted to be better at butterfly!”

Rin laughed out loud and shook his head. “Focus on breast stroke. You’re way better for it, anyway. I think that’s what Rei meant.” It was weird, talking about Rei when Rin personally didn’t know the guy. So, instead, he focused on things he did know. “You’re smaller than other swimmers and your arms aren’t as long. It helps with breast stroke since it makes your arms rotate faster, but it doesn’t help with butterfly because the range is shorter.”

Nagisa sighed, slumping down beside him and leaning on his side until their arms were flushed against each other. “I hate it when you use logic against me.” Mostly because he can’t argue, and also because it’s ridiculously _hot_.

“It’s effective.” Rin replied happily.

 

\---

 

They spent the next hours swimming, making sand castles, covering each other with sand, playing around, eating the packed lunch Rin brought... In short, they had the time of their lives. It was just a whole day spent with each other, doing stupid things they don’t get to do every day.

When the sun was setting, Nitori and Gou brought them more blankets and a box full of twigs and wood that they could use for a mini bonfire. They even brought a cooler for the beer they could drink later. Rin planned everything to the _last detail_.

 

\---

 

Except Rin never thought about the quiet time they would share while sitting huddled beside each other in front of a mini bonfire. Nagisa’s always been the one filling up the silence, and that makes everything easier for him. This time was different. This time, Nagisa was thinking about something deeply, and Rin was lost on what to say. (The buzz of being tipsy was not helping his cause here.)

Long moments of silence are dangerous. Those are the kinds of things that make him think of deeper topics... Like how this wasn’t in the plan at all, how this was too much effort for a fake relationship, and how he doesn’t know how to categorize their interactions any longer.

“I’m...” Nagisa spoke up. _Finally_. His head was leaning on Rin’s shoulder as he stared at the fire. It was slightly dark now, so the side of his face was illuminated by the orange light. It was beautiful. (Rin was awed by the sight.) “I talked to Rei-chan a few days ago.”

Oh. Is this... Is this their inevitable break-up? That was sudden. ( _There’s no need for break-up, since it’s fake, right?_ ) “So?” Rin’s voice was embarrassingly quiet and small.

“He said he finally understands my point.” Nagisa was smiling fondly at the memory. He didn’t look hurt or nervous, which meant this isn’t what Rin thought it was. “He said he missed me but we were really better off like this for now.”

“For now?” And of course that’s what Rin got from that. He’s an insecure kid and you can’t blame him, okay? “So is there any plan to get back together next year?” He grinned teasingly despite how awkward he was feeling.

Nagisa sat up and looked at him with that calculating expression of his. He seldom has that expression, and it terrifies Rin whenever he uses it. Then, slowly, he smiled and answered “Do I look like I plan things for the future?”

He laughed. “Point.” He shook his head, smiling for real now. “You ‘live in the present’, which is really just code for ‘you’re lazy’.”

Rolling his eyes, Nagisa went back to his earlier position of leaning on him. “Rei-chan is special to me. He’ll always be in my heart.” He whispered this, as if it was a secret. It was the first time Nagisa talked about this properly. (Rin understood later that being alone in an abandoned beach stirred sentimental feelings in both of them.) “But I don’t regret breaking up with him, and now he understands why we had to do it. His grades became much better and he seldom got sick too. He didn’t need to stress out about planning for me or worrying about what I feel.” He took a swig of beer, emptying it before letting it plop down the ground with a light thud. His voice was completely levelled, with not much inflection. This was a sensitive topic for him; that much was obvious.

“I just want Rin-chan to remember that I didn’t agree to this so I could forget Rei-chan.” He admitted. “We’ve broken up for more than a year, after all.”

“I didn’t-“ Rin really wasn’t thinking... well, he _did_ think about it at least once (more like, every time Nagisa mentions Rei). But he never said it out loud, and it’s not like being in a fake relationship gives them any ground to talk about honesty and morality. “Then why did you agree?” Okay, that was a weird question. Backtrack! “I mean-“

Nagisa giggled. “Spiritual fulfilment?” He asked out loud, sounding much lighter now. “I helped out because you were a poor soul who-“

“Shut up.” Rin groaned. “That sounds so stupid.”

There was another round of laughter. Then, after Nagisa caught his breath and calmed down, he added, “I helped because I wanted Gou-chan to be happy too.”

Rin blinked in surprise. “Oh.” A soft smile appeared on his face. “So we had the same interest in mind.”

Nagisa nodded. “But it’s also because I wanted to see if Rin-chan would change.” He nuzzled his cheek on Rin’s shoulder in that affectionate way of his. “I wanted to see the Rin-chan from our Swim Club.”

“Have I mentioned how weird you are?” Rin asked, shaking his head in disbelief. “This whole thing is too much effort.” Ah. He said it out loud. Ugh. Way to go, Rin. He really needed to stop drinking. It’s switching his mouth-filter off.

There was a few seconds of silence before Nagisa spoke again. “Thank you.” He said.

And then he grew quiet again. That was weird behaviour, even for Nagisa.

 

\---

 

He knew he was being quieter than usual. But Nagisa really was thinking of very important things, and somehow the bonfire, the beer, and the whole atmosphere made him feel contemplative. Thinking isn’t something he liked to do, to be honest. But Rin _loves_ to analyze things, and yet he has been refusing to analyze things since earlier. It had upset the balance, obviously!

“Nagisa...?” Oh. Rin sounded worried. Nagisa smiled to himself. “You’re thinking about something?” There was a teasing tone to it, despite the worry. “Don’t think too much. It’s bad for your health.”

He huffed out a sigh before sitting up straighter and looking at Rin. “Thank you.” He repeated. He really was extremely glad for this surprise. It was something he wasn’t used to having, because he’s always been the plans-guy. He gave people surprise parties, not the other way around. He wasn’t used to the attention.

But he also knew this wasn’t just about the monthsary. This was about something else entirely. Just like the trip to Funland, this was a thank you gift. (He had to stop himself from thinking too deeply, because his deeper thoughts included: ‘Nanase-senpai would have been really lucky to have Rin. But they both had to suffer and be damaged in the process.’)

“And also, you’re welcome.” He added, smile widening. This was what Rin wanted to hear, right? He wanted Nagisa to know how much Rin appreciated him. He wanted to give back for everything Nagisa gave. (It says a lot about a person: that belief in giving as much and as urgently to someone you’re in a relationship with. It speaks volumes about fear and insecurity.)

Nagisa pushed all those thoughts away again as he faced Rin fully. Rin blinked and sat straighter as well, facing him squarely. His cheeks were pink from drinking. “I’m really lucky we did this.” Nagisa started, taking a deep breath. He was the talker, right? So, he’ll talk! “This whole relationship really made me happy. You’re the best kind of boyfriend anyone could ask for.”

Rin looked surprised and embarrassed of that but did not interfere with his speech. He just stared completely still at Nagisa.

“That’s why I want to help you too.” Nagisa felt his nerves catching up to him, logic trumping the alcohol. He needed to talk about the plans he made before he got too nervous. “I need you to-“

But before he could finish that sentence, Rin leaned forward and sealed Nagisa’s lips with his.

 _Rin was kissing him_.

It was a soft touch, just a quick touching of their lips. Nagisa froze, unsure of what to do.

Then, as if someone slapped him, Rin’s eyes widened and he jolted back. “Uh!” He backed off, inching away as he stared at Nagisa in shock. “I’m sorry! I was- I-“ His forehead creased in confusion and fear. “I’m-“ He suddenly stood up and shook his head, as if he was willing this moment to disappear. “I’m just going to, uh, get something.” There was a look of panic on his face as he ran away.

 

\---

 

[ **To:** Gou

 **From:** Nii-chan

Could you please fetch Nagisa? Tell him to sleep at our house. Tell him I’m really sorry.]

 

[ **To:** Nii-chan

 **From:** Gou

What happened? I’ll go there now! But you have to explain to me what happened!]

 

[ **To:** Gou

 **From:** Nii-chan

I messed up. Sorry. Meet me at Father’s grave.]

 

\---

 

“He said he’ll meet me at our father’s grave.” Gou explained, worry obvious in her tone. “Nagisa, what happened?” If it’s so serious that Rin’s immediate plan was to go to the grave, then she has every right to worry.

He bowed his head down and shook his head. “I think Rin-chan would want to explain it himself.” He looked confused, as if he didn’t know what the problem was too.

She frowned. “I swear, Nagisa, if you hurt him in any way, I’ll-“

“I’ll never hurt him!” He replied immediately, eyes wide. “I... want to fix things,” he added, his voice quieter.

“I’ll go there and call you after.” She decided then. There’s no helping it. Nagisa was good for her brother, and if they needed a little bit more push to formalize everything, then she’d just have to help them.

 

\---

 

“We were lying.” Rin knew he looked wrecked. He had been crying earlier and even the darkness of the night could not hide the redness of his eyes. He messed up and he felt like how he did that awful day years ago. “We weren’t actually dating.”

She frowned, but did not look upset or angry. She looked sad and worried. “What happened? Nagisa-kun looked like he didn’t know why you ran away.” She didn’t even question him. Why?

“I-“ He took a deep shuddering breath before sitting down on the floor. He motioned for her to sit down beside him. “We weren’t actually dating but I kissed him. I messed up.”

She went quiet then, as if she was choosing her words carefully. “Nagisa-kun... didn’t really look angry at you.” She noted with a placating tone. “He was worried. He didn’t know why you ran away.”

“Of course he’s not angry.” He laughed without humor. “He’s Nagisa.” He looked down at his feet, picking at the frayed threads at the hem of his pants. “He doesn’t get angry even if he should. He probably doesn’t-“ He bit his lower lip. “He should be angry, okay? We agreed to pretend but kissing is- Kissing is for someone you love, for someone who loves you back.” He closed his eyes and remembered how Haruka looked back then. Then, he remembered how Nagisa looked earlier. He was taken aback and confused. Rin didn’t stay long enough to see the disgust or fear that would inevitably pass his expression.

Gou sighed, and did not speak for a while. She just pulled at him until his head was leaning on her shoulder. She hugged him just like that, rubbing his back soothingly. “It’s going to be okay.” She whispered repeatedly. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

 

\---

 

The next day, Gou sat beside Rin as they waited for Nagisa to appear. She had a strong grip on his arm, just to make sure he won’t run away. “You’ll tell him how you feel and then be a real couple.” She explained plainly. It really was that simple. It should be. Rin just overcomplicates things. But Nagisa’s the other party, so it should be fixed easily. Nagisa’s the opposite of that type. He simplifies things.

It took another five minutes before Nagisa arrived in the diner where they were waiting. He slid into the booth opposite of the two. “Good morning.”

“I-!” Rin stood up, immediately disentangling his arm from her grip. “I’ll order something for you.” He said, running over to the counter without even looking back.

“You promised me you’re going to fix this, right?” Gou asked seriously, shifting her attention to Nagisa fully. “You’re not going to make him cry?”

Nagisa blinked. “That-“ He looked down. “I _will_ fix things. But the crying-“

“Nagisa!”

“It’s-“ He looked up, eyes pleading. “It’s complicated, okay?” He sighed. “You know that, right? He’s not _in love_ with me.” He put both of his hands on the table, gripping it tight as he stared at her. “For him, it’s not that simple. You know him better than I do so you understand that.”

She bit her lip and spared a glance to her brother. “Why aren’t you simplifying things and just saying ‘let it be’?” She groaned and thunked her head on the table. “I trusted you.”

“But you do understand, right?” He insisted.

“Yeah...” She looked up, chin propped up on the table. “I do. But he does have feelings for you.” She explained, sounding frustrated. “It’s not the same, but it’s-“ A sigh. “It’s close. _Really_ close.”

“That’s why!” He exclaimed, smiling this time. “That’s why we have to fix things. I don’t accept half-way things.”

“Greedy.” She smiled as she rolled her eyes. “But fair enough.”

 

\---

 

Rin came back with two burgers and a whole lot of fries. “This enough for you?” He asked, sliding the tray towards Nagisa. Despite the question, he couldn’t look the smaller boy in the eye. It was just... scary.

“Yup!” Nagisa exclaimed happily, immediately shovelling fries to his mouth. “Thanks!”

His _mouth_... Rin bit his lower lip and looked down. “I’m- I’m really sorry.” He can’t do anything now but say that, right? Everything’s over and done with. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

Nagisa nodded, closing his eyes as if in deep thought. “Right.” He nodded again, placing his hand down on the table. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

Gou sighed and moved out of the booth, pulling Rin to sit in front of Nagisa. “I’ll leave you two alone to talk, okay? I’ll be at the counter.” She threw one last serious look towards her best friend before walking away.

“Now,” Nagisa watched her go before continuing. “We need to talk about something.”

“I told Gou.” Rin said with his eyes on the tray in front of him. “We don’t need to pretend anymore. She’s fine with it... I think she is, anyway.” He still wasn’t sure why she was taking this so easily. Maybe she discovered already before he confessed about it. Or maybe she’s just letting Rin have his heartbreak in peace. “Thank you for your help.” That’s it. He can’t force him to stay. This wasn’t in the plan.

“Just like that?” There was hurt in Nagisa’s tone; a sound that made Rin look up to see his expression. “You’re giving up?”

What is he giving up? Is there anything to give up? Rin was not sure what this is, what he should take from this. He knew the lies weren’t so bad. He knew they forged friendship along the way. Is he giving that up? “I’m not.” Rin shook his head. “But...”

 _I forced a kiss on you_. It was the stuff of his nightmares. He just wants this to be over and done with. He was still haunted by Haruka’s expression, by the phantom hurt in his chest. He was not ready to face that again. He’s not sure he will ever be ready.

Nagisa frowned at that answer, as if that was the wrong one. “I talked to Tachibana-senpai.” He suddenly said. His eyes were sharp, like when he has a plan in mind. “He told me what happened.”

And of course, that was what he was going for. That was such a Nagisa-like thing to do: nipping the problem from the root. Rin was touchy about the subject so he went to the next closest person who could tell him. Makoto was probably excited to help. It was a perfect plan.

Except for that part where Rin doesn’t want to talk about it. At all. Ever.

Accepting the silence as permission to continue, Nagisa barrelled on. “He’ll bring Nanase-senpai here. For the two of you to talk.” His eyes showed sincerity and determination. He looked like nothing would deter him from this plan. He was sure. This, for him, was an obvious right course of action.

Rin does not agree. He frowned and said as much. “That sounds like a stupid idea.” He said. “Haruka would not want to see me. You know that.” Haruka never once let himself be alone with Rin in the last three years. It was the most obvious sign of disgust he showed. That was exactly why Rin knew this would not work. The relationship was way too damaged to be fixed. And Rin... Rin’s just too tired of it. He doesn’t want to be hurt anymore.

Nagisa shook his head in disagreement. “I’ll show you.” He said. “It’s not like that at all.”

 

\----

 

_Rin has been in Japan for two years, and despite the initial hostility, Haruka slowly grew to love having him around. There was something about Rin that brought out something in Haruka. In just those two years, Haruka was more open and smiled more than in the five years Rin was gone._

_Haruka needed Rin. That much, he knew. Haruka felt drawn to him, felt like Rin brought happiness whenever he was near._

_It was scary. The thought of someone having that much power over him... It scared Haruka. He’s never needed anyone before. He’s always been fine with living on his own and being distant with other people. Makoto always stayed by his side no matter what, but it was a natural part of his life. Rin was not like that. Rin was not as stable as that._

_There was always a fear that Rin would leave all of this behind._

_“What are you thinking about?” Rin asked, lying on the floor beside the pool with him. “Did you eat something bad? You look like that.”_

_Haruka glared at him for a second before staring at the ceiling again. “When are you going back to Australia?”_

_Rin looked surprised at the question. “I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Maybe after high school? I’ll go whenever someone offers me a scholarship again.”_

_‘So he’ll be gone again’ was the only thought that echoed inside Haruka’s head. ‘He’ll leave us all behind again.’_

 

\----

 

“You just have to talk to him.” Makoto pulled at Haruka’s arm, looking right ahead at the diner where they agreed to meet. He knew Haruka was angry at him; with good reason to be, too. But he can’t leave this alone. Haruka would say it doesn’t matter, that not talking to Rin was for the best. It would be a lie.

“I’ll just hurt him again.” Haruka muttered. His voice was too soft and too quiet. Makoto knew that tone. It was the tone he used when he refused to bend his beliefs. He still believed that Rin was better off not talking to him. He still thought being separated was way better than confronting this.

Makoto shook his head and pulled him inside. “No.” He never does this. He always let Haruka do what he wants to do. Makoto’s just his best friend, after all. He’s not Haruka’s family. He didn’t have the right to tell Haruka what to do. But this situation is different. Now that he has a chance to push Haruka towards the right way, he’ll push as hard as he can. It wasn’t about Haruka anymore. Rin was hurting too. The two of them were hurting and they both stubbornly refused to do anything about it.

He was tired of watching them hurt each other.

He pulled him inside and walked towards the two people waiting for them. He vaguely noticed Gou standing up suddenly at the counter, but he had no time to say his greetings. There was a plan at work here.

“Rin, Nagisa-kun,” He nodded his head in greeting as he stopped right beside their table. He let go of Haruka’s arm and watched as Nagisa stood up to stand by his side. Looking at the younger boy meaningfully, he occupied the seat Nagisa vacated. Then, he watched as Haruka was pulled away to the other side of the counter away from Gou.

“What?” Rin looked shocked as he watched Nagisa and Haruka at the other side of the diner. “I thought-“

Makoto couldn’t help but laugh. He thought the same thing when Nagisa first told him about the plan a few days ago. He thought leaving Haruka and Rin to talk was the best way to make them fix things. Nagisa begged to disagree. “You’d talk to Haruka later. We have to talk first.”

Rin frowned and stared at him in disbelief. “What’s going on?”

“You miss Haru-chan, don’t you?” He asked, instead of answering the question.

There was a sharp intake of breath as Rin looked down at his tray. “That’s not the point.”

“That _is_ the point.” Makoto insisted, not letting Rin’s argument deter him. He’s been watching them too long for him to give up now. “Haru-chan misses you, too.”

This time, Rin looked up with a quirked eyebrow. He laughed; a miserable sound Makoto always hears when Rin is talking about Haruka. “So that’s why he’s been avoiding me for years, right?” His eyes had that empty look in it. Makoto wanted to cringe.

“You know him, Rin-chan.” Makoto said quietly, miserably; the guilt of letting this thing simmer for years eating him inside. “You know him better than most.” He said. “He gets confused in choosing a swimsuit every morning. He’s that kind of person. It takes time for him to decide, and he doesn’t- he’s a little hard on himself when he makes the wrong choice. Sometimes, he...” He took a deep breath. “He thinks some people are better off without him.” It was a trait Haruka and Rin both shared, he knew.

Rin’s eyes softened and he glanced briefly at the two boys at the counter. “I know.” He sighed, looking down. “He’s always been a little different and hard to handle. I do understand that by now.” He took a napkin by his side and folded it in half, busying his hands for something to do. “Nagisa’s been- Even if he doesn’t know that, he’s been helping. Having Haruka around was fun, and it’s stupid to forget those memories just because of one mistake.”

“You’ve been thinking about it.” Makoto noted, eyeing Rin’s shaky hands. After a beat, he asked, “Can you forgive him?”

Looking up, Rin blinked in confusion. “Forgive?” He asked, frowning. “I was the one who did something wrong. I’m the one who should ask for forgiveness.” He was stating it with a voice that showed how sure he was of this idea. He never quite blamed Haruka for what happened.

“Rin-chan...” Makoto took his hand into his, squeezing it once before letting go. “I’m sorry I didn’t make you two talk sooner.” He was. He was extremely sorry for that.

Rin still looked confused. “That wasn’t your fault, Makoto.” He shook his head resolutely, as if seeing Makoto say sorry felt wrong for him. (Makoto missed this. He missed having Rin around. He felt a surge of need to fix everything, to finally put the pieces back together again.) “I did something wrong, and Haruka acted that way because he chose to. You were just being a supportive best friend.”

“And I was wrong.” Makoto sighed. He knew that now. Supporting Haruka’s decision blindly was the exact reason why this dragged on for too long. “What you did... It didn’t have to end this way.”

“ _I forced a kiss on him_.” Rin leaned forward with a hiss. “I deserved that. Haruka was just opening up to more people, and I- I was just being selfish by doing that. I made him close down again.” He sounded so angry at himself.

Makoto wondered how long Rin has been thinking that way, how long Rin was blaming himself for everything. “No.” He shook his head. “You were the one who made him open up to more people, Rin-chan. And- and even after everything, even after the kiss, Haruka didn’t close down like before. What you did for him? What you changed in him when you came back to Japan and spent your time with him? Those didn’t disappear just like that. I’m thankful for what you did. _Haru-chan_ is thankful for what you did.”

There was silence as Rin looked down and refused to accept that. Makoto let him think for a few seconds before he stood up. “I’m going to call Haruka over.”

Rin’s head whipped up, his eyes wide in fear. “Mako-“

“It has to happen, Rin-chan.” He said gently. “It’s going to be fine now.” He walked to his side and squeezed his shoulder. “You’re going to be fine.”

 

\----

 

Rin kept his head bowed down as he heard Haruka walk over and sit in front of him. He didn’t know what to do. It was like dreading for his nightmares to come again. It was like watching the monster under his bed emerge. He was afraid. So, so afraid.

“I’m sorry.”

He looked up in surprise. “What?”

Haruka looked at him unblinkingly with those beautiful blue eyes. “I’m sorry.” He repeated, lips forming a frown after the words left his mouth.

“You don’t have to force yourself to say it.” Rin frowned as well, narrowing his eyes. “Whatever Nagisa said, it’s probably just a trick.”

“He told me about the nightmares.” He said simply, and it would have looked nonchalant to anyone, but Rin saw the way his shoulder tensed and his hands clenched into fists at the table. His eyes reflected Rin perfectly. He refused to look away.

That was something. It was something Rin has not seen for a very long while. That intense look... He missed it. He missed it a lot. “That wasn’t your fault. It’s not your fault my mind’s fucked up.”

Haruka glared at him, as if taking those words as a personal offense. “I’m sorry.” He repeated like the stubborn guy he was.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. _I’m_ sorry.” Rin groaned.

“I _have_ something to be sorry for.” Haruka insisted, voice rising in anger now. “I shouldn’t have done what I did.”

“ _No_.” Rin glared right back. “You were right. What _I_ did was wrong. I forced myself on you and you hated that. I understand that much, okay? You don’t have to pretend-“

Haruka gritted his teeth and rose up to his feet. “Shut up.”

“No, you shut up!” Rin stood up as well. “What I did was stupid and I regret it, okay? I regret forcing myself on someone who-“

“I just wasn’t ready.” Haruka interrupted with his voice full of frustration. Then, with a softer tone, he repeated, “I just wasn’t ready. I reacted badly.”

“What?”

“It was my fault for reacting badly.” Haruka gritted out. His knuckles were white at his side. “I made you suffer just because I wasn’t able to understand myself.”

It was exactly as Makoto said. Rin understood that, he knew that. But hearing Haruka say that this was his fault was much more than he could handle. He spent three years mourning the loss of his friendship with Haruka. He spent so much time hating himself and wondering about _what ifs_. And now that they were in front of each other, he can’t help but feel weak. The fight fizzled out of him. He was just tired.

He sat back down. “We’re so stupid.” He sighed out. “We’re idiots.”

“Yeah.” Haruka sat down as well, nodding his head in agreement. “We are.”

“Three years!” Rin exclaimed, looking right at Haruka with wide eyes. He sighed again. “I’m still sorry for what I did. It was stupid.”

Haruka nodded. “It was.”

Rin rolled his eyes. “You still suck at talking.”

“You still talk too much.” Haruka shot back, a soft smile on his face.

Rin couldn’t help but return the smile. “You’re just not around real talkative people. I’m quiet in comparison.”

“Talkative people... like Nagisa?” It was like they were back in high school, talking about stupid stuff and teasing each other.

The difference was Rin did not have that rose-colored lenses when looking at Haruka anymore. Rin wasn’t sure when it disappeared, but he thinks time really did something for the two of them. Maybe time healed at least a fraction of the wounds they accidentally inflicted on each other.

“Yeah.” Rin nodded. “He talks a lot.”

Haruka’s expression was unexpectedly tender when he glanced at Nagisa. “I’m glad.” He whispered. “I’m glad he came into your life. He’s a good kid.”

It was something he never expected to hear from Haruka’s mouth, but this was a special occasion so it made sense. They were both sensitive and open from shouting at each other. It was like their usual after-fight vulnerability.

“Me too.” He admitted. “I’m glad I met him.”

Haruka looked at him with a questioning expression then. “Are you-“

“Oh.” Rin shook his head. “No.” He bit his lower lip. “I- I think it’ll take time.” He said slowly, deciding it as he goes. “This time, I’ll take it slow.” The thought was funny for him, of taking things slow when just a day ago they were pretending to be boyfriends. But it felt right, somehow.

“Good.” Haruka nodded. “Good for you.”

 

\----

 

After a few moments of quiet conversation at the table, Nagisa and Makoto watched as Haruka and Rin shook hands before looking at them expectantly. “Right.” Nagisa nodded, glancing at the boy at his side. “We’re being summoned back. That’s... that’s good.”

Makoto laughed softly. “Looks like they made up.” He walked slowly towards the table, whispering, “You’re nervous?” before they got closer.

“Nope,” Nagisa giggled. “I’m happy as long as my _sweetheart_ is happy.” He whispered back.

“Eh?” Makoto looked confused at that, but did not ask further.

Once they were close enough, Haruka stood up and gently pulled Nagisa to sit in his place. “We’re sorry for interrupting your date.” He said, an easy smile on his face.

Nagisa noted the huge smile on Rin’s face and the soft blush on his cheeks. He looked so happy and content. “It’s okay.” Nagisa shrugged. “We have a chaperone today anyway.” He joked, motioning towards Gou who was walking towards them with a confused expression. “It was nice talking to you, Nanase-senpai.”

Haruka nodded. “Thank you.” His voice showed so much emotion and Nagisa felt filled with warmth as he watched the two walk out of the diner.

“Nagisa Hazuki!” Gou sat beside him suddenly, hand gripping his left arm tightly. “I’m not sure if you’re a really evil guy or you’re a genius. I’m very confused right now.” Her eyebrows were furrowed as she stared at him.

“A genius.” Rin spoke up. “Or a guardian angel.”

Nagisa smiled brightly at that. “I’m glad it worked out well.”

Rin shrugged as if it was nothing, but his smile was too bright that it was obvious how pleased he was as well.

“They were shouting at each other. In the middle of a diner.” Gou said, exasperated. “Did you expect that too?”

Nagisa blinked. “No.” He shook his head. “It was fun to watch though?” He asked, looking up in deep thought. “It was like watching preschoolers fight. Rin-chan is actually just five years old, is what I found out.”

A glare returned to Rin’s eyes, and it was such a familiar change that Nagisa wanted to smile widely at him. “You’re lucky it worked.”

“I trusted you.” Nagisa said softly. “Isn’t that what partners-in-crime do?”

Rin laughed at that. “Oh yeah. We _are_ partners, aren’t we?”

Gou rolled her eyes at them, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Now that we’ve got that covered,” She started, looking at the two with a calculating expression. “What do you have to say about yourselves?”

Nagisa and Rin blinked in confusion for a while. Then, Rin said, “We’re... sorry?” It was probably anti-climactic right now to talk about their month-long ruse. Nagisa personally just wanted to celebrate his plan’s success.

“Whatever.” Gou sighed. “We’re talking to mom tomorrow.” She stood up, pulling Rin to stand as well. “I’m going to force my brother to sleep the whole day. You do that too, okay?” She asked.

“Roger!” Nagisa saluted. “We’re all...” He yawned. “It’s been a long day.” Two days, actually. But it felt like one whole endless day to him.

Gou pulled at Rin incessantly. She was probably really worried about her brother. Rin left after uttering a soft “Thank you”.

Nagisa watched go before taking out his phone. [ _Thank you for your help, Tachibana-senpai.]_

 

\----

 

Rin woke up early the next day. He knew he should be scared of what will happen today, but he was too happy about yesterday that it felt like nothing could ruin his mood. His fear for his mother’s reaction was in the bottom of his list. (His fear for what Nagisa would say to him was higher up the list, but Rin decided to cross that bridge when he got there.)

“Dear,” His mom’s voice rang from the other side of his door. “Nagisa is downstairs to eat breakfast with us.” She sounded happy, like she always does when Nagisa visits.

Okay, so maybe he should be more nervous. There was still a big chance his mom would disown him and adopt Nagisa instead. His mom probably had that power too, since she’s like a modern day Wonder Woman.

“I’m coming!” He called out, walking over to his bathroom to wash his face before the grand confession.

 

He sat down beside Nagisa on the dining table, catching Gou’s gaze for a second before he looked down at his own plate of toast. “Uh,” He should just get this over and done with, right? The earlier, the better. “Mom, we have something to tell you.”

She looked up at them with sharp eyes. “Yes?”

Rin frowned and elbowed Nagisa, whispering “You tell her” in panic. He was not good with dealing with this. His mom was scary when she’s angry. A single mother’s wrath is the worst ever. Her guilt-tripping was, too.

“Auntie, we broke up.” Nagisa said, instead. It was probably for the better. At least his mom won’t say he’s a liar.

“Lies.” Okay. His mom would totally call him a liar no matter what, probably. “You mean, you’re done pretending?” She asked, eyebrow raised up.

Gou giggled. “They told me yesterday.”

Rin gaped at the two. “What?”

Nagisa looked just as shocked as him, which was a relief. At least he’s not the only one in the dark here. “You knew?”

His mom’s eyebrow raised some more, if that was even possible. She looked so unimpressed at them. “Nagisa, dear, I love you, but you made out with Rei on Gou’s bed once. You never even _kissed_ my son.”

“Hey!” Rin exclaimed. “M-maybe we were just hiding it.”

She actually rolled her eyes at him. “Were you?”

“No.” He admitted, pouting. “But still, your argument is flawed.”

“You’re a brilliant boy, Rin, but Nagisa’s not really into hiding those kinds of things.” She explained gently. “And, really, you can’t lie to your mom. I knew immediately.”

Rin frowned. “How about you?” He asked Gou.

She blinked, chewing on her lower lip as she pondered about it. “I had my doubts.” She started. “Funland was a good distraction though. I really thought that was you being a great boyfriend.” She crossed her arms, then. “I think it was the lack of making out that tipped it off for me, too.” She shrugged. “I wouldn’t believe it if Nagisa said he was celibate all of a sudden.”

“Ugh,” Rin groaned, hiding his face with his hands. “It’s too early for this kind of conversation.” He glanced at Nagisa who was sporting a shocked look still. “Your plan didn’t work the way you want to, huh?”

Nagisa pouted. “My Planning-Guy certificate would be taken away from me.” He whined. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Gou laughed. “Then you would have stopped.” She said simply.

“You were good for my son.” Mom answered, smiling. “I thought it wouldn’t take long for him to understand that.”

Rin felt like he’s been underestimating the women of his family all this time. Nagisa was not even half as crafty as those two. It’s actually pretty amazing. “Yeah,” He ended up saying. “He’s good for me.”

Nagisa looked at him with wide eyes. It was the first time Rin said that out loud with him in the same room. He looked surprised.

“Thanks.” He whispered, just because he thought Nagisa should hear it as much as he could. Rin is eternally grateful for him.

“Rin-chan’s good for me too!” Nagisa said to the room at large. “And I get to eat more here because of it, so I definitely won something there.”

Mom laughed fondly and added another bacon to his plate. “Stay as long as you like.”

And Rin couldn’t help but think that he felt the same way. Nagisa could stay as long as he likes.

 

\----

 

Nagisa left just after breakfast, complaining about chores he had to do for his sisters. Gou sat on Rin’s bed, watching him quietly as he did his homework on the low table. “So...” She started, sitting up and waiting for him to look up at her. “That’s it?” She asked. “Everything goes back to normal?”

He blinked in confusion for a second. “What-“ When he finally got it, he looked down and placed his pen down. “No. Definitely not.” He said. He sounded sure and confident, which were good signs. “Things won’t go back to back then. We’re too... A lot has changed, for both of us. I think Nagisa thinks so too.”

“You’re not officially a couple yet?” She asked slowly, confused.

“No.” He shook his head. “I- We’ve done lots of things together, and those counts, I think. But we’ve... We jumped too many steps ahead. It’s my first- well, the first real relationship I really want to be in, after a very long time.” He sighed. He sounded nervous as he explained how he felt. Gou appreciates the effort he’s putting into it. “I want to do this right.”

She was quiet for a while as she took that in. “But you _are_ happy.” It wasn’t a question. He looked happier than he’s been the past months. He nodded so she continued. “That’s all that matters, right? Nagisa made you happy.” Another nod. “I’ll support you all the way.” She said then, smiling softly at him. “I’m so proud of you.” She added.

He scoffed at that, but he looked pleased. “You’re not supposed to say that. You’re the little sister.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, well.” She laughed. “I love you too and _you’re welcome_.”

This time, he laughed with her. “Yeah.” He nodded. “Thanks. I love you, sis.”

 

\----

 

A week passed by before he got the idea. Rin knew it was the right thing to do. It was a closure he needed, a gesture to close this chapter and move on to the next. He sent the message to Gou and Nagisa early that day. They met up an hour later at his father’s grave.

“Thank you for coming.” Rin gratefully said, smiling at the two. “It means a lot to me.”

They both nodded, identical happy expressions on their faces. “We’re glad you called us.” Gou replied.

 

After lighting some incense and praying quietly in front of the grave, Rin set off to do what he wanted to do.

“Dad,” He said quietly, staring at the tombstone. “I know I’ve shown a lot of pathetic expressions the past years, and I’m sorry for whining at you all this time. It was a hard time. But dad, I got over it.” He smiled, feeling his eyes water. “I think I’m okay now. I stood up from that fall. Gou helped a lot. She’s really great, you know? She’s just like mom. I’m sure you’re proud of her.” He heard her soft sniffles at his side. “She nags me a lot, but that really helped me get back on my feet.” He glanced at her and offered a small smile while she silently wiped the few tears on her face. He then looked to his other side, pulling Nagisa closer to stand right in front of the grave.

“This is Nagisa. You know; the one I told you about a week ago?” He laughed silently. “I thought I messed that up and was ready to sulk a lot. But Nagisa’s really similar to Gou in that aspect. He’s a nagger.” This time, the two laughed as well. “He didn’t let me hate myself over it. He’s... He’s good for me. I really want it to work this time. So...” He took a deep breath. “I promise, I won’t sulk in here all the time anymore. I’m sorry I won’t visit as much as I did.

“But I’m sure you’d tell me to go for it anyway, right? I’ll face this head-on, like you always told me.” He bumped his fist on the cold stone, imagining his father’s face. “I’ll be fine now. I promise.” He wiped the stray tears on his cheeks. _Please watch over me, Gou and Nagisa, dad._

 

He takes another deep breath, feeling two hands grip him on either shoulder. He feels grounded, feels like he was supported and loved.

For the first time in a long while, he felt completely free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! (I'm still not sure if I'll write an epilogue or not, but yeah. They're happy and I'm happy for them.)  
> Follow me at [at my tumblr](moeblogmegane.tumblr.com)!!!


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